SOUNDS OF SYLMAR

Sprinklers hissing
The distant drone of a leaf blower
Dogs barking
Roosters crowing
The hum of the freeway
Horses clattering on asphalt
Mariachi music
Helicopters chopping the air
Then
The music of an ice cream truck

FOOTBALL!

Last night I felt a sudden shiver of excitement as I realized for the first time that Football season is less than two months away. We're almost there!

Here are five predictions for the upcoming football season.

1. Sadly, John Madden dies- somebody can't figure out why all the players have "JM" on their jerseys.
2. Happily, Tim Tebow converts more people than passes in New England.
3. First female referee debuts, makes a controversial call, ensuing debate is seen by the ladies on The View as sexism.
4. Superbowl Champions, Baltimore, Ravens, close the season with a losing record.
5. Superbowl is played between the Denver, Broncos and the Washington, Redskins.  The Skins win by 10 points.

THINGS I THOUGHT TODAY BUT DIDN'T SHARE WITH ANYONE (until now)



1. I don't know if anyone is planning on making a Wonder Woman movie, but they really should while Angie Harmon is still around.

 

2. It has always bothered me that the size of U.S. coins are not commensurate to their value. Of course, I know that the penny was originally one cent of copper, the nickel five cents of nickel, and the dime ten cents of silver, thus the disparity between size and value, but still it bothers me.

 

3. I have recently been feeling the itch to go participate at an open mic night somewhere. I might crash and burn, but I am feeling the itch to give it a go.

4. Really, what is the difference between pokemon and dog fighting?

LIGHT GLUTTONS

Of all of the diurnal creatures, man is the only one who possesses the ability to will it to be as day in the middle of the night. God created day and night as distinct from one another, but man has muddied the distinction with artificial light and stimulants. Light gluttons? I sometimes wonder what it would be like to fall into a rhythm of life over a span of months and years where the setting of the sun brought a cease to activity. I wonder if I would be better off and healthier for it.

If man had been created with nocturnal preferences instead of diurnal perhaps our children would have difficulty falling asleep for fear of the light. I think it likely that mankind would have created darkened spaces during the day. Whole cities would lie in deep shadow where now they shine on the plain like a collection of fire jewels, and all because we were created diurnal.

WHEN BABY ABE WENT WALKING

When Baby Abe went walking, the grass and weeds would wilt and shrivel away from his offensive breath like snowflakes on a hot stone.

I was once told that the grass of the field parted before his breath like the Red Sea parted before Moses and the Israelites, and I believe it.

I saw it once for myself, with my own two eyes, in the purple fields behind the house as Baby Abe stepped out for a walk under the moon.

He sang a wild song as he walked, more sounds than words, and with a force that must have made his teeth rattle.

He walked as though he had a stone in his stomach, and his skin sagged in loose rolls as if it had been tailored for a larger body.
 
The sleeve of his left arm, which he favored, was hardened stiff as bark with dried snot.

Where he went I know no more than where he came from.

He walked, he simply walked, and as he entered the woods on the far side of the fields I heard the branches writhing and retreating before his breath.

As he walked he sang his wild song.

He did not know I listened.
He did not know I watched.

FRENCH TAKE ON "Ode to Billie Joe" BY BOBBIE GENTRY

Ode to Billie Joe is such a distinct slice of Americana that it strikes me as odd to hear it sung in French (albeit with a few revisions), but Joe Dassin hits it out of the park with this French adaptation of an American classic. Give it a listen.

LIKE SMOKE

A congregation of savages sat in stoic silence
Amidst the pillar trees of a forest cathedral
As a sermon, Delivered in sing-song,
Washed over them like smoke,
And like smoke it reddened their eyes.

DUI?

I enjoy riding my bicycle into town, but I always feel slightly judged by motorists who pass me by. I imagine that when people see me, a fat, bearded man, riding my bike down the road they think to themselves, "DUI?"