For previous BFZ SEX TALKS click here, here, here, here, and here.
Dear Kids,
In this installment of A BFZ SEX TALK I want to take up a rather difficult and sensitive topic- masturbation. I remember once when I was in college they invited a well known experts in human sexuality with special expertise in the field of sex addiction to come and speak on campus. He held two different sessions- one for the boys and one for the girls. I attended the one for the boys. After giving some introductory remarks I recall that the speaker said that before beginning he would like to know what we, the audience, wanted to talk about. "Anybody have a question or a topic?" he asked. There was dead silence in the hall. You could have heard a pin drop. Everyone was too timid to throw a topic out there. You can be sure that in a room full of young men there was more than a little interest in the topic of sex, as well as some burning questions as well, but nobody was about to speak up. It was a Christian college after all, and it would seem that you can't ask a question about such a subject without making an equally plain statement about yourself. For example, if Billy had asked "Um...what if you look at porn on the internet, and you know it's wrong but you can't seem to stop yourself? What should you do?" Automatically, everyone would suspect Billy of being a closet porn addict. Even if Billy had asked on behalf of "a friend he knows," some would have still persisted in linking the question to Billy's now tarnished character. It's a tremendously difficult topic to broach in so public a forum, and in fact, Billy would be better served by bringing up such a matter within a smaller circle of people that he knows cares about him and will protect his dignity while offering some godly counsel. Remember, it is rarely a good idea to get naked in public- literally or figuratively. So, anyway, finding no takers, after a few more remarks the speaker suggested that at the count of three everyone just yell out a topic. "Any topic," he said. "Nobody will be able to hear you because everyone will yell at once." Then he continued, "Okay, so just yell it out, now... here we go, at the count of three- one. two. three." When he got to "three" the whole room erupted in perfect masculine harmony. With one voice the entire hall yelled, "MASTURBATION." They must have heard it all the way across campus. You've never seen so many college boys blush. Of course, the speaker knew that would happen. He had set the crowd up during his introductory marks so that they were already thinking about this topic.
I honestly don't recall anything that the speaker had to say after that, but that resounding, thunderous roar of "MASTURBATION" from the men sitting all around me demonstrated that the young men filling that hall had questions about this topic, and perhaps some bruised consciences as well. It occurs to me that perhaps you have questions and concerns about masturbation. That's very common, especially for boys (but also for girls too sometimes, or so I have heard), so there's no need to be embarassed. Remember our talk about the dangers of the secret place. I know a lot of men, the finest sort of Christian men, who have confessed to me that they have struggled with masturbation. That's a difficult thing for most men to say out loud because it is embarassing and even shameful, but remember that is always Satan's M.O. to try and get us alone with our sin. He wants us to take embarassing and shameful things to the secret place and hide them away. There is freedom in confessing our struggles to God and maybe letting a godly brother or sister know about our struggles as well. So let's talk about it. Let's talk about masturbation.
Let's start with a simple question- Is it a sin?
I believe that the Bible ought to be one's sole authority for faith and practice. I hope you feel that way too, but if you don't then you might as well know that this is what your Dad thinks. As a disciple of Christ I am not just interested in gaining knowledge- a collector of doctrines and ideas. I am prinicipally interested in applying biblical truth to how I actually live- to be an imitator of Christ. This is what it means to be a disciple of Christ. Anytime a question comes up about what is or is not sin I feel that the only place that speaks with authority on that topic is God's word.
The problem is if you look up masturbation in your Bible you'll find that nowhere is it explicitly mentioned nor does the Bible state explicitly whether or not masturbation is a sin. Nevertheless, there is little doubt, that the thoughts and actions which lead to most instances of masturbation are indeed the stuff of sin. Lustful and immoral thoughts as well as pornography often play a role in masturbation and these are sinful (Read Matthew 5:27). Many people struggle with feelings of guilt as a result of masturbating. What they need to realize is that the act itself is really a product of sin that they harbor first in their minds, then entertain in their hearts, and which then finds expression in the act of masturbation. It is the lustful, immoral thoughts and pornographic imagery that needs to be dealt with first.
Things brings us back to God's word. Giving God access to your heart and mind through spending regular and intimate times in His word can work to transform your thoughts and actions in an amazing way. Give it a try! If this is an area in which you are struggling first thank God for confronting you and disciplining you as a good Father should (Read Proverbs 3:11-12, Proverbs 6:23, Hebrews 12:4-11 and Revelation 3:19), and also thank him for His forgiveness (Psalm 103:11-12), then commit to spending some time out of every day to reading God's word and praying. Don't expect things to change right away. Be disciplined about it and establish a lifelong pattern of disciplines that foster a deep, intimate, abiding relationship with God. Transformation and victory will come in time.
Start by reading the following passages-
Read the following passages:
Ephesians 5:3
1 Corinthians 10:31
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Psalm 103:11-12
How did those passages inform you about God's heart toward masturbation? Did it pass the impurity test? Can it be done to the glory of God? Does it reflect God's having ownership of your body? Does it avoid the appearance of immorality? Are you forgiven?
We only have so many days to walk the earth, and those days are chock full of invitations to sin. It is precious to our Lord when we decline those invitations. One day your opportunities to reject sin and embrace God will come to an end. Remember that. These are the days when you can choose the things of Christ.
You will mess up. You will sin. When that happens lay hold of God's forgiveness- claim it, declare it, thank him for it, and repent. Throw God's love and forgiveness into the face of Satan who will accuse you at such low times. Satan hates you. He is a liar and will try to charge to your account what Christ has already paid for with his blood. Forgiven. That's a fact.
Then get up, dust yourself off and get back to the business of expressing your love and gratitude to God through the pursuit of personal righteousness. God can be difficult to get a present for because he already has everything, but you can give him your sexual purity. It doesn't matter if you've already strayed from God's best a thousand times. You can start today. His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). Be eager to do what is good (Titus 2:11-14).
Your Loving Father,
Daddy
Showing posts with label A BFZ SEX TALK. Show all posts
Showing posts with label A BFZ SEX TALK. Show all posts
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
A BFZ SEX TALK- AN OPEN LETTER TO MY GOOSE
For previous BFZ SEX TALKS follow the links below-
#1- A Preface to "The Talk"
#2- Good Fire, Bad Fire
#3- The Problem of Sin
#4- Beware the Hidden Place
Over the years I have read a number of articles and such about the Father/Daughter relationship. I have read that it is important for Fathers of young girls to affirm them often- to tell them that they are gifted, pretty, special and fun. The theory being that if they don't get such affirmation from Dad they will seek it elsewhere. often, such articles darkly hint that withholding praise and affirmation can even lead to a promiscuous lifestyle, drug abuse, and a life spent seeking an identity from their peers rather than operating from a core identity which was imparted to them by their Father. Psychobabble-gobblety-gook? Maybe, but I think there is more than a kernel of truth to it, and I believe that I as a Father have a key role to play in forming the woman my daughter will grow to be.
Of course, if I were to follow that preface with some affirming statements about my daughter it would all look very machiavellian, premeditated and possibly even disingenuous. Luckily for me, my Goose, who truly is a beautiful and true-hearted little girl, makes such praise flow as naturally and undeniably as song from a bird's throat. She simply inspires it.
So if I write glowingly about you, Goose, it's not because I'm afraid of what might happen if I don't. I just can't help it. You simply inspire it, and I'm crazy about you.
As I explained during my preface to the first BFZ sex talk, one of the reasons I am writing out these thoughts (or even maintaining a blog at all) is that sometimes I become concerned that I might die unexpectedly and my kids will grow up wondering about my thoughts on this topic or that. So, future-Lucy, if you're reading this, there are some things you're Dad wants you to know.
Dear Lucy,
You are beautiful. When I look at you my heart swells with pride. I mean it, and although you're only a little girl at the moment, I have no doubt that in the coming years you're gonna grow into a strikingly beautiful woman. That is you're Daddy's biased, though honest, assessment. I know something about pretty girls, after all, remember I successfully pursued your Mom. You and your Mom are far and away the prettiest girls I have ever known. That's not flattery either. I mean it. God is such a craftsman as never makes a mistake, and I believe that the way he crafted you- your looks, your personality, your smile, your haircolor, your green eyes, your unique giftings- are all a matter of purposeful design. Someday you're gonna focus your affections on a single man, and I smile to think of what a blessed man he will be.
Young man, if you're reading this in the future, I trust that you understand what a gift the creator has given you in Lucy. Even though I don't know your name, or even if you have been born yet, I sometimes pray for you as well. I am trying to be the man I want Lucy to marry, so in an odd sort of way you're kind of a role model for me.
Of course, our years under the sun are temporary. So too are such things as beauty and health and youth. People who are not spiritually minded take what is temporary and invest it back into that which is also temporary. Such a waste! Christians should use what is temporary to effect what is eternal. Whatever God has chosen to bless you with during your days under the sun remember that God's desire is for you to use such temporary blessings- your money, your health, your youth, your time, your energy, your relationships, even your beauty- to effect what is eternal. This is very much the spirit of 1 Timothy 2:9. Although, I want you to know that I think you're truly gifted and lovely, I would be very sad if you grew to be vain, prideful and selfish. I love how Paul puts it in 1 Timothy 2:9, when he says that Christian women should dress themselves with good works. Let your good works be your bling! When I think of you prayerfully in the presence of God I give thanks for the gift that you are and I pray that no matter what the years hold for you that your heart would always hum to the tune of God's will. I'm excited to think of all the wonderful works that could flow from such a heart.
In Christ,
Daddy
#1- A Preface to "The Talk"
#2- Good Fire, Bad Fire
#3- The Problem of Sin
#4- Beware the Hidden Place
Over the years I have read a number of articles and such about the Father/Daughter relationship. I have read that it is important for Fathers of young girls to affirm them often- to tell them that they are gifted, pretty, special and fun. The theory being that if they don't get such affirmation from Dad they will seek it elsewhere. often, such articles darkly hint that withholding praise and affirmation can even lead to a promiscuous lifestyle, drug abuse, and a life spent seeking an identity from their peers rather than operating from a core identity which was imparted to them by their Father. Psychobabble-gobblety-gook? Maybe, but I think there is more than a kernel of truth to it, and I believe that I as a Father have a key role to play in forming the woman my daughter will grow to be.
Of course, if I were to follow that preface with some affirming statements about my daughter it would all look very machiavellian, premeditated and possibly even disingenuous. Luckily for me, my Goose, who truly is a beautiful and true-hearted little girl, makes such praise flow as naturally and undeniably as song from a bird's throat. She simply inspires it.
So if I write glowingly about you, Goose, it's not because I'm afraid of what might happen if I don't. I just can't help it. You simply inspire it, and I'm crazy about you.
As I explained during my preface to the first BFZ sex talk, one of the reasons I am writing out these thoughts (or even maintaining a blog at all) is that sometimes I become concerned that I might die unexpectedly and my kids will grow up wondering about my thoughts on this topic or that. So, future-Lucy, if you're reading this, there are some things you're Dad wants you to know.
Dear Lucy,
You are beautiful. When I look at you my heart swells with pride. I mean it, and although you're only a little girl at the moment, I have no doubt that in the coming years you're gonna grow into a strikingly beautiful woman. That is you're Daddy's biased, though honest, assessment. I know something about pretty girls, after all, remember I successfully pursued your Mom. You and your Mom are far and away the prettiest girls I have ever known. That's not flattery either. I mean it. God is such a craftsman as never makes a mistake, and I believe that the way he crafted you- your looks, your personality, your smile, your haircolor, your green eyes, your unique giftings- are all a matter of purposeful design. Someday you're gonna focus your affections on a single man, and I smile to think of what a blessed man he will be.
Young man, if you're reading this in the future, I trust that you understand what a gift the creator has given you in Lucy. Even though I don't know your name, or even if you have been born yet, I sometimes pray for you as well. I am trying to be the man I want Lucy to marry, so in an odd sort of way you're kind of a role model for me.
Of course, our years under the sun are temporary. So too are such things as beauty and health and youth. People who are not spiritually minded take what is temporary and invest it back into that which is also temporary. Such a waste! Christians should use what is temporary to effect what is eternal. Whatever God has chosen to bless you with during your days under the sun remember that God's desire is for you to use such temporary blessings- your money, your health, your youth, your time, your energy, your relationships, even your beauty- to effect what is eternal. This is very much the spirit of 1 Timothy 2:9. Although, I want you to know that I think you're truly gifted and lovely, I would be very sad if you grew to be vain, prideful and selfish. I love how Paul puts it in 1 Timothy 2:9, when he says that Christian women should dress themselves with good works. Let your good works be your bling! When I think of you prayerfully in the presence of God I give thanks for the gift that you are and I pray that no matter what the years hold for you that your heart would always hum to the tune of God's will. I'm excited to think of all the wonderful works that could flow from such a heart.
In Christ,
Daddy
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
A BFZ SEX TALK- ACCOUNTABILITY
You can check out the previous BFZ Sex Talks by following the links below:
#1- A Preface to "The Talk"
#2- Good Fire, Bad Fire
#3- The Problem of Sin
Dear Kids,
Beware the hidden place! If Satan cannot get you to call sin by another name, and if you will not be induced to continue openly and unashamed in it, then his next strategy is predictable- he will try to get you to continue in it secretly. It is always the enemy’s modus operandi to get you alone with your sin. He grins at hypocrisy and encourages man to live a divided, compromised, double life.
The prologue to many a sin is “No one will ever know,” and its epilogue, “No one must ever know.”
Spiritually speaking, a hidden place is a venom to the system. God will not be mocked and as the gulf between who you claim to be and who you are in reality widens it will become increasingly more difficult to enjoy intimate fellowship with God. Maintaining a hidden place carries other price tags as well. You will suffer for maintaining a hidden place. (Read Joshua chapter 7, Psalm 32, & Psalm 51)
(Permit me an aside- Speaking as your Father, who loves you more than you know, let me just say that I will count my parenting efforts a roaring success if you simply care about the subject matter of this post. Never mind the sins which occasionally ensnare us all. I forgive you those, and more importantly Jesus stands ready to forgive them as well. But do you even care? That is what this Father's heart wants to know about his kids who might be reading this in the future. Do you care about living a life that is pleasing to the Lord? With all my heart I hope so. I will do my part, as best as I know how, to raise you to be the sort of people who care. I just prayed Colossians 1:9-14 with you four in mind.)
Back in 2009 I wrote out a few thoughts on the subject of accountability in a post entitled “Some Thoughts on Being Naked.” (Check it out HERE, unless you don't care, but as I stated above I'm hopeful that you do.) I think accountability is the anti-venom for the hidden-place-poison. What Satan wants you to hide away in a secret shameful place God want to see dragged out into the light of day. Satan wants you to struggle with your sins alone, but God wants you to share that struggle with others. Satan grins on hypocrisy. He enjoys the misery that inevitably accompanies a double life, but God desires you to find joy and freedom in a life of integrity. In confessing sin, and inviting a godly brother or sister into the reality of your struggle, you will find the chains of the hidden place broken and enjoy a new freedom and a new intimacy with Christ.
I hope you care.
Sincerely,
Your Loving Father
#1- A Preface to "The Talk"
#2- Good Fire, Bad Fire
#3- The Problem of Sin
Dear Kids,
Beware the hidden place! If Satan cannot get you to call sin by another name, and if you will not be induced to continue openly and unashamed in it, then his next strategy is predictable- he will try to get you to continue in it secretly. It is always the enemy’s modus operandi to get you alone with your sin. He grins at hypocrisy and encourages man to live a divided, compromised, double life.
The prologue to many a sin is “No one will ever know,” and its epilogue, “No one must ever know.”
Spiritually speaking, a hidden place is a venom to the system. God will not be mocked and as the gulf between who you claim to be and who you are in reality widens it will become increasingly more difficult to enjoy intimate fellowship with God. Maintaining a hidden place carries other price tags as well. You will suffer for maintaining a hidden place. (Read Joshua chapter 7, Psalm 32, & Psalm 51)
(Permit me an aside- Speaking as your Father, who loves you more than you know, let me just say that I will count my parenting efforts a roaring success if you simply care about the subject matter of this post. Never mind the sins which occasionally ensnare us all. I forgive you those, and more importantly Jesus stands ready to forgive them as well. But do you even care? That is what this Father's heart wants to know about his kids who might be reading this in the future. Do you care about living a life that is pleasing to the Lord? With all my heart I hope so. I will do my part, as best as I know how, to raise you to be the sort of people who care. I just prayed Colossians 1:9-14 with you four in mind.)
Back in 2009 I wrote out a few thoughts on the subject of accountability in a post entitled “Some Thoughts on Being Naked.” (Check it out HERE, unless you don't care, but as I stated above I'm hopeful that you do.) I think accountability is the anti-venom for the hidden-place-poison. What Satan wants you to hide away in a secret shameful place God want to see dragged out into the light of day. Satan wants you to struggle with your sins alone, but God wants you to share that struggle with others. Satan grins on hypocrisy. He enjoys the misery that inevitably accompanies a double life, but God desires you to find joy and freedom in a life of integrity. In confessing sin, and inviting a godly brother or sister into the reality of your struggle, you will find the chains of the hidden place broken and enjoy a new freedom and a new intimacy with Christ.
I hope you care.
Sincerely,
Your Loving Father
Friday, June 24, 2011
A BFZ SEX TALK- THE PROBLEM OF SIN
Dear Kids,
I need to apologize to you for something. It's not exactly my fault, but I will apologize just the same because unfortunately I'm not entirely blameless in the matter either. Your Mom and I have passed on to you a fatal genetic condition which runs in our family. We went ahead with our plans to conceive you even though we knew there was a 100% chance that you would also be born with this fatal condition. I know how you must feel. I felt the same way when I was first told by my parents. This condition is inextricably woven into the very fabric of your DNA, and if you don't seek help for it you will die. It has run in our family for untold generations, and has been the cause of a lot of pain and misery down through the years. As your Father, who loves you very much, I'm saddened to think of you having to struggle with the symptoms of this disease. I too have struggled.
I am speaking of course of the problem of sin.
This disease has numerous symptoms- principally sinful cravings, desires and thoughts (Eph. 2:1-3), manifested in sinful conduct, which lead inevitably to death (Rom. 3:23 and 6:23). Don't be suprised when these symptoms flare up, or when you witness others suffering the ravages of this horrible disease. Such symptoms are common (1 Cor. 10:13) to all of us who have descended from that old rascal, Adam (1 Cor. 15:21-22).
Thankfully, there is a cure. In Romans 10:9 it says, "that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." Jesus voluntarily took our disease onto himself and suffered its consequences so that we could be freed from its dread grip. Jesus is the only cure. I pray that your hearts will always hum to the tune of God's will. Your Mom and I have prayed for your salvation since even before you were born, and it is our greatest desire for you that you would grow up to be sincere followers of Christ as we are. I pray also that the fruit of the Spirit; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control would grow to maturity in your lives. Sometimes, I am actually moved to tears in my prayers for you.
Resist what is evil. Embrace what is good. If you stumble, know that you are forgiven. Don't dwell on failure, but get up, dust yourself off, and press on toward the goal, Christ-likeness.
Your Loving Father
I need to apologize to you for something. It's not exactly my fault, but I will apologize just the same because unfortunately I'm not entirely blameless in the matter either. Your Mom and I have passed on to you a fatal genetic condition which runs in our family. We went ahead with our plans to conceive you even though we knew there was a 100% chance that you would also be born with this fatal condition. I know how you must feel. I felt the same way when I was first told by my parents. This condition is inextricably woven into the very fabric of your DNA, and if you don't seek help for it you will die. It has run in our family for untold generations, and has been the cause of a lot of pain and misery down through the years. As your Father, who loves you very much, I'm saddened to think of you having to struggle with the symptoms of this disease. I too have struggled.
I am speaking of course of the problem of sin.
This disease has numerous symptoms- principally sinful cravings, desires and thoughts (Eph. 2:1-3), manifested in sinful conduct, which lead inevitably to death (Rom. 3:23 and 6:23). Don't be suprised when these symptoms flare up, or when you witness others suffering the ravages of this horrible disease. Such symptoms are common (1 Cor. 10:13) to all of us who have descended from that old rascal, Adam (1 Cor. 15:21-22).
Thankfully, there is a cure. In Romans 10:9 it says, "that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." Jesus voluntarily took our disease onto himself and suffered its consequences so that we could be freed from its dread grip. Jesus is the only cure. I pray that your hearts will always hum to the tune of God's will. Your Mom and I have prayed for your salvation since even before you were born, and it is our greatest desire for you that you would grow up to be sincere followers of Christ as we are. I pray also that the fruit of the Spirit; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control would grow to maturity in your lives. Sometimes, I am actually moved to tears in my prayers for you.
Resist what is evil. Embrace what is good. If you stumble, know that you are forgiven. Don't dwell on failure, but get up, dust yourself off, and press on toward the goal, Christ-likeness.
Your Loving Father
Saturday, June 11, 2011
A BFZ SEX TALK- GOOD FIRE, BAD FIRE
Dear Kids,
Let’s start our discussion about sex with God. I think you’ll agree that’s the most logical place to start. After all, sex finds its very genesis in the person of the Creator. He is the inventor and the origin of sex. The world will try to tell you that God is against sex, and that the church’s attitude toward sex is one of prudish disapproval, but that is patently false. Sex was God’s idea in the first place. What God hates is man’s perversion of what he called “good.” Man’s appetite for sex, as well as the feelings of sexual longing and pleasure which are experienced during sex, were created by God. Marriage was created in part to fulfill those longings. God is responsible for making sex what it is- pleasurable, and emotionally satisfying. Man is responsible for perverting that gift and making it sinful.
This reminds me of a story. While I was a police officer, I responded once to a report of a structure fire in a residential area. It was a winter day, and I can remember that as I arrived on scene the homeowner was busily trying to put out the raging inferno by shoveling snow into the house through a window he had broken on the first floor. It wasn’t enough, and despite his best efforts flames began shooting out the upstairs windows and creeping up along the walls. I helped with traffic control while the firemen went to work. Within an hour they had put the fire out, but the house was a total loss. After the fire had been extinguished I went up to one of the exhausted firemen to see if I could get him a gatorade or something from the store. I remember that he put one sooty paw on my shoulder, and with his other hand he pointed to the smoke curling from a neighbor’s chimney. “See that,“ he said still pointing toward the chimney, “that’s a good fire.” Then pointing at the charred remains of the house he said simply, “Bad fire.”
Good fire. Bad fire. Sex is like that too. Sex within marriage is like a fire in a fireplace- it’s productive. It’s awesome! Sex outside of marriage is like a structure fire- it’s destructive. The blaze of such a fire may be exciting for a time and, yes, even intense, but ultimately it ends in destruction. Like a bad fire, sexual sin can also consume a home and brings lives to ruin. Outside of marriage sex is uncontained, and once it rages to ash all that is left is bitter aftermath. Good fire. Bad fire.
As I write, the whole nation is focused on a scandal involving Rep. Anthony Weiner (D- NY) who initially denied, but has since admitted to, sending lewd messages and photos to a number of women on-line. The investigation into Weiner’s conduct has now spread to include allegations that he may have engaged in inappropriate communications with underage girls. Today the leadership of the democratic party made various statements demanding that Weiner resign his position as a congressmen. To make matters worse, Rep. Weiner is newly married to a beautiful woman, and it has been reported that she is pregnant with their first child. Proverbs chapter 5 speaks about the perils of sexual sin, and I can’t help but think of verse 14 from that chapter every time I see Weiner’s face on the television. It reads, “I was on the verge of total ruin, in the midst of the assembly and congregation.” I feel a profound pity for Anthony Weiner. It now appears that he may have thrown away a promising career in public service. He has also dashed to pieces his reputation, the esteem of his peers, and the trust between him and his spouse. His shame is horrifyingly public. His home and all that he has worked for are on fire, and for what? A cheap, tawdry thrill.
Good fire. Bad fire.
Your Loving Father
Let’s start our discussion about sex with God. I think you’ll agree that’s the most logical place to start. After all, sex finds its very genesis in the person of the Creator. He is the inventor and the origin of sex. The world will try to tell you that God is against sex, and that the church’s attitude toward sex is one of prudish disapproval, but that is patently false. Sex was God’s idea in the first place. What God hates is man’s perversion of what he called “good.” Man’s appetite for sex, as well as the feelings of sexual longing and pleasure which are experienced during sex, were created by God. Marriage was created in part to fulfill those longings. God is responsible for making sex what it is- pleasurable, and emotionally satisfying. Man is responsible for perverting that gift and making it sinful.
This reminds me of a story. While I was a police officer, I responded once to a report of a structure fire in a residential area. It was a winter day, and I can remember that as I arrived on scene the homeowner was busily trying to put out the raging inferno by shoveling snow into the house through a window he had broken on the first floor. It wasn’t enough, and despite his best efforts flames began shooting out the upstairs windows and creeping up along the walls. I helped with traffic control while the firemen went to work. Within an hour they had put the fire out, but the house was a total loss. After the fire had been extinguished I went up to one of the exhausted firemen to see if I could get him a gatorade or something from the store. I remember that he put one sooty paw on my shoulder, and with his other hand he pointed to the smoke curling from a neighbor’s chimney. “See that,“ he said still pointing toward the chimney, “that’s a good fire.” Then pointing at the charred remains of the house he said simply, “Bad fire.”
Good fire. Bad fire. Sex is like that too. Sex within marriage is like a fire in a fireplace- it’s productive. It’s awesome! Sex outside of marriage is like a structure fire- it’s destructive. The blaze of such a fire may be exciting for a time and, yes, even intense, but ultimately it ends in destruction. Like a bad fire, sexual sin can also consume a home and brings lives to ruin. Outside of marriage sex is uncontained, and once it rages to ash all that is left is bitter aftermath. Good fire. Bad fire.
As I write, the whole nation is focused on a scandal involving Rep. Anthony Weiner (D- NY) who initially denied, but has since admitted to, sending lewd messages and photos to a number of women on-line. The investigation into Weiner’s conduct has now spread to include allegations that he may have engaged in inappropriate communications with underage girls. Today the leadership of the democratic party made various statements demanding that Weiner resign his position as a congressmen. To make matters worse, Rep. Weiner is newly married to a beautiful woman, and it has been reported that she is pregnant with their first child. Proverbs chapter 5 speaks about the perils of sexual sin, and I can’t help but think of verse 14 from that chapter every time I see Weiner’s face on the television. It reads, “I was on the verge of total ruin, in the midst of the assembly and congregation.” I feel a profound pity for Anthony Weiner. It now appears that he may have thrown away a promising career in public service. He has also dashed to pieces his reputation, the esteem of his peers, and the trust between him and his spouse. His shame is horrifyingly public. His home and all that he has worked for are on fire, and for what? A cheap, tawdry thrill.
Good fire. Bad fire.
Your Loving Father
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
PREFACE TO "THE TALK"
Sex. I have developed some thoughts on the subject, which I have been reluctant to publish here until now for a few reasons. First- My own informal research has concluded that roughly three-quarters of BFZ readers are women, and there is something decidedly unseemly (maybe even creepy?) about a man speaking to a largely female audience about this topic. However, as I will explain shortly, my thoughts on the topic of sex are primarily intended for a future audience and not you...whoever you are. (You might find them helpful as well though. I don't know.) Second- Some may view my musings as a form of spiritual exhibitionism. I assure you this is not my intention. I will be avoiding anything too revealing or personal. Third- I don't want anyone to think that I am taking up the topic simply because it is sensational. That's not how I roll.
So why go there at all? In order to answer that question I must first speak to why I maintain a blog in the first place.
I spoke with someone recently about the demise of their now defunct blog. I asked them why they stopped blogging, and they told me very candidly "Because no one ever commented." I love comments, but that has never motivated me. Apart from entertaining the small group of BFZ faithful who check in regularly, this blog has three main purposes, which I have held since the BFZ's beginnings. Until now I have only shared one of the three reasons with you all. That first being that I often think of the BFZ as a "rock pile" for my thoughts and ideas- a place to collect them in written form. The second, is that sometimes I just need to write, and the BFZ is my outlet where that happens. The third is a tad more personal, but I will share it anyway because it is the very reason why I plan to take up the topic of sex. Quite often I have come to think of the BFZ as an open letter to my children. Sometimes, I worry that I will die in a car crash or something and my children will grow up wondering about me, and what I thought about this or that. For the sake of my children I am going on record. I love you kids.
So this brings me back to sex. I believe that silence is surrender. Our culture is not quiet on the topic of sex. At every opportunity we are confronted with images and ideas which threaten to shape my childrens' view of sexuality. So, as a Father, I don't have the liberty of remaining silent. The enemy has forced my hand. I'm aware though that words are just noise if they are not backed up by a life that agrees with them. The enemy will try to undermine my words through moral failure and hypocrisy. I know this is the strategy. Boys, I'm trying to be the man I want you to be. Lucy, I'm trying to be the man I want you to marry. Let's talk about it.
So why go there at all? In order to answer that question I must first speak to why I maintain a blog in the first place.
I spoke with someone recently about the demise of their now defunct blog. I asked them why they stopped blogging, and they told me very candidly "Because no one ever commented." I love comments, but that has never motivated me. Apart from entertaining the small group of BFZ faithful who check in regularly, this blog has three main purposes, which I have held since the BFZ's beginnings. Until now I have only shared one of the three reasons with you all. That first being that I often think of the BFZ as a "rock pile" for my thoughts and ideas- a place to collect them in written form. The second, is that sometimes I just need to write, and the BFZ is my outlet where that happens. The third is a tad more personal, but I will share it anyway because it is the very reason why I plan to take up the topic of sex. Quite often I have come to think of the BFZ as an open letter to my children. Sometimes, I worry that I will die in a car crash or something and my children will grow up wondering about me, and what I thought about this or that. For the sake of my children I am going on record. I love you kids.
So this brings me back to sex. I believe that silence is surrender. Our culture is not quiet on the topic of sex. At every opportunity we are confronted with images and ideas which threaten to shape my childrens' view of sexuality. So, as a Father, I don't have the liberty of remaining silent. The enemy has forced my hand. I'm aware though that words are just noise if they are not backed up by a life that agrees with them. The enemy will try to undermine my words through moral failure and hypocrisy. I know this is the strategy. Boys, I'm trying to be the man I want you to be. Lucy, I'm trying to be the man I want you to marry. Let's talk about it.
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