A BFZ SEX TALK- MASTURBATION

For previous BFZ SEX TALKS click here, here, here, here, and here.

Dear Kids,

In this installment of A BFZ SEX TALK I want to take up a rather difficult and sensitive topic- masturbation. I remember once when I was in college they invited a well known experts in human sexuality with special expertise in the field of sex addiction to come and speak on campus. He held two different sessions- one for the boys and one for the girls. I attended the one for the boys. After giving some introductory remarks I recall that the speaker said that before beginning he would like to know what we, the audience, wanted to talk about. "Anybody have a question or a topic?" he asked. There was dead silence in the hall. You could have heard a pin drop. Everyone was too timid to throw a topic out there. You can be sure that in a room full of young men there was more than a little interest in the topic of sex, as well as some burning questions as well, but nobody was about to speak up. It was a Christian college after all, and it would seem that you can't ask a question about such a subject  without making an equally plain statement about yourself. For example, if Billy had asked "Um...what if you look at porn on the internet, and you know it's wrong but you can't seem to stop yourself? What should you do?" Automatically, everyone would suspect Billy of being a closet porn addict. Even if Billy had asked on behalf of "a friend he knows," some would have still persisted in linking the question to Billy's now tarnished character. It's a tremendously difficult topic to broach in so public a forum, and in fact, Billy would be better served by bringing up such a matter within a smaller circle of people that he knows cares about him and will protect his dignity while offering some godly counsel. Remember, it is rarely a good idea to get naked in public- literally or figuratively. So, anyway, finding no takers, after a few more remarks the speaker suggested that at the count of three everyone just yell out a topic. "Any topic," he said. "Nobody will be able to hear you because everyone will yell at once." Then he continued, "Okay, so just yell it out, now... here we go, at the count of three- one. two. three." When he got to "three" the whole room erupted in perfect masculine harmony. With one voice the entire hall yelled, "MASTURBATION." They must have heard it all the way across campus. You've never seen so many college boys blush. Of course, the speaker knew that would happen. He had set the crowd up during his introductory marks so that they were already thinking about this topic.

I honestly don't recall anything that the speaker had to say after that, but that resounding, thunderous roar of "MASTURBATION" from the men sitting all around me demonstrated that the young men filling that hall had questions about this topic, and perhaps some bruised consciences as well. It occurs to me that perhaps you have questions and concerns about masturbation. That's very common, especially for boys (but also for girls too sometimes, or so I have heard), so there's no need to be embarassed. Remember our talk about the dangers of the secret place. I know a lot of men, the finest sort of Christian men, who have confessed to me that they have struggled with masturbation. That's a difficult thing for most men to say out loud because it is embarassing and even shameful, but remember that is always Satan's M.O. to try and get us alone with our sin. He wants us to take embarassing and shameful things to the secret place and hide them away. There is freedom in confessing our struggles to God and maybe letting a godly brother or sister know about our struggles as well.  So let's talk about it. Let's talk about masturbation.

Let's start with a simple question- Is it a sin?

I believe that the Bible ought to be one's sole authority for faith and practice. I hope you feel that way too, but if you don't then you might as well know that this is what your Dad thinks. As a disciple of Christ I am not just interested in gaining knowledge- a collector of doctrines and ideas. I am prinicipally interested in applying biblical truth to how I actually live- to be an imitator of Christ. This is what it means to be a disciple of Christ. Anytime a question comes up about what is or is not sin I feel that the only place that speaks with authority on that topic is God's word.

The problem is if you look up masturbation in your Bible you'll find that nowhere is it explicitly mentioned nor does the Bible state explicitly whether or not masturbation is a sin. Nevertheless, there is little doubt, that the thoughts and actions which lead to most instances of masturbation are indeed the stuff of sin. Lustful and immoral thoughts as well as pornography often play a role in masturbation and these are sinful (Read Matthew 5:27). Many people struggle with feelings of guilt as a result of masturbating. What they need to realize is that the act itself is really a product of sin that they harbor first in their minds, then entertain in their hearts, and which then finds expression in the act of masturbation. It is the lustful, immoral thoughts and pornographic imagery that needs to be dealt with first.

Things brings us back to God's word. Giving God access to your heart and mind through spending regular and intimate times in His word can work to transform your thoughts and actions in an amazing way. Give it a try! If this is an area in which you are struggling first thank God for confronting you and disciplining you as a good Father should (Read Proverbs 3:11-12, Proverbs 6:23, Hebrews 12:4-11 and Revelation 3:19), and also thank him for His forgiveness (Psalm 103:11-12), then commit to spending some time out of every day to reading God's word and praying. Don't expect things to change right away. Be disciplined about it and establish a lifelong pattern of disciplines that foster a deep, intimate, abiding relationship with God. Transformation and victory will come in time.

Start by reading the following passages-

Read the following passages:

Ephesians 5:3

1 Corinthians 10:31

 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Psalm 103:11-12

How did those passages inform you about God's heart toward masturbation? Did it pass the impurity test? Can it be done to the glory of God? Does it reflect God's having ownership of your body? Does it avoid the appearance of immorality? Are you forgiven?

We only have so many days to walk the earth, and  those days are chock full of invitations to sin. It is precious to our Lord when we decline those invitations. One day your opportunities to reject sin and embrace God will come to an end. Remember that. These are the days when you can choose the things of Christ.

You will mess up. You will sin. When that happens lay hold of God's forgiveness- claim it, declare it, thank him for it, and repent. Throw God's love and forgiveness into the face of Satan who will accuse you at such low times. Satan hates you. He is a liar and will try to charge to your account what Christ has already paid for with his blood.  Forgiven. That's a fact.

Then get up, dust yourself off and get back to the business of expressing your love and gratitude to God through the pursuit of personal righteousness. God can be difficult to get a present for because he already has everything, but you can give him your sexual purity. It doesn't matter if you've already strayed from God's best a thousand times. You can start today. His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). Be eager to do what is good (Titus 2:11-14).

Your Loving Father,

Daddy