NORTH FLORIDA IS SO MANLY EVEN THE TREES ARE GROWING BEARDS

A quick tour of the Lulu Advent Church

A lot of you have asked what the church here in Lulu looks like so I wanted to give you a quick tour. To watch the tour on Youtube click on THIS LINK. I'm sorry it's so shaky. I hope watching doesn't make you nauseous. Maybe if you shake your head as you watch it'll all even out.

 

Enjoy!

A POST-HALLOWEEN PARENTING TIP

When I was a kid I loved to come home from a night of Trick-or-Treating and organize all of my candy on my bed. Candy bars in one row, lollipops in another and so on. I also liked to stick my face into all that candy and breathe in the smell. All of those confections mixed together within the plastic confines of my Jack-o-Lantern bucket to create an odor that was nothing short of intoxicating. It's the smell of Halloween.

When I was a kid I remember one Halloween season when my Mom became frustrated with me because I was eating my candy at an irresponsible rate. I was 8! What do you expect? She threatened to take my candy and give it to the homeless people at Fort Totten, which was a local train station where the homeless congregated, if I didn't stop sneaking candy. I became so concerned after she made that threat that I went up to my room, closed the door and ate every single last piece of candy. All in one sitting! It was disgusting, but with grim resolve I saw the thing through. I reasoned, "Those homeless people aren't getting any of my candy!" I was a rotten kid.

Few children are ready for the responsibility of being entrusted with that much candy. My kids ate more candy on the evening of Halloween than they were permitted to eat for months and months prior, and they still had a big bucket of the stuff to lust after in the days that followed.

The question on most parent's minds when November 1st dawns is, "What are we gonna do with all of that candy?" After all, it's enough candy to choke a horse. The most pressing reason to dispose of all that candy are the incessant requests from the kids to look at, gaze upon, trade, and have a piece of their candy.

Their greed filled the bucket, and believe it or not you can use that same powerful force to empty it.

This was Sarah's idea, not mine, but I thought it was such a good idea that I wanted to share it with you all. Today, when the kids came and asked us if they could have a piece of their Halloween Candy, Sarah said that they could have a piece whenever they wanted, but they also had to give Mom and Dad a piece of their choice each time.  So for every piece of candy the kids ate they had to give away two. I could see their little wheels turning. Is eating this Reece's Peanut Butter Cup worth giving up a tootsie roll and a Dum-Dum? Pretty soon, we had a big bowl filled on top of the entertainment center (out of sight and hopefully out of mind) and the kid's buckets were mostly empty. Some candy they are holding back for dessert when they can eat a piece of candy without penalty. That's great. It disposes of the candy problem while giving a lesson in economics. Brilliant!

LA LA TO LULU- SAN ANTONIO AND NEW ORLEANS

 I think I was the only one who wanted to go to the Alamo. My poor, road-weary Bowden had a MAJOR meltdown as we approached these hallowed gates, and getting him to appear in this photo at all (look at Sarah's left-hand shoulder) was something close to miraculous. As you can see, Miles and Jack are also protesting the photo. Only Sarah and Lucy refused to join the mutiny although they were also less than enthused about touring the Alamo. They're gamers.

Well at least now we can remember the Alamo.

 Did you know a Vermonter, Miles DeForest Andross, died at the Alamo?

 New Orleans.

 This homeless man spent his days fishing coins out of the fountain to give to children so they could throw them back into the fountain. All the while he had a little grin on his face. Were he not so obviously deranged I would have appreciated him finding such a novel niche in life. His life's mission to supply passersby with coins to toss into the fountain struck me as more worthy than some I have encountered, but still I didn't trust him. The kids loved him.

 Although the place reeked of urine and there were throngs of drunken revelers even at midday there was much to like about New Orleans. There's no other place like it really.

LA LA TO LULU PHOTO MONTAGE

 Please note that the front of the van was free of bugs when we left CA. It was not to remain so. Like so many six-legged kamikazes thousands upon thousands of insects wasted themselves against the relentless eastward advance of our Chrysler Town and Country. SPLAT!

 This is what our kids look like when they are watching TV in the van. TV in the van?!?! What an amazing invention? I would have loved that as a kid.

 Bowden atop the van outside a Starbucks somewhere in New Mexico.

 That may be true, New Mexcio, but...

 ...pound for pound there was more protein in the grill of that truck than you can get from beef.

 Eastern New Mexico and West Texas were infested with these winged monsters

 After a long day cooped up in the van the boys were wild as chimps. I took them for a walk around the railroad town of Van Horn, Texas. We happened upon an abandoned caboose. It was dark inside so we stuck the camera through a hole in the door and snapped this photo of the caboose's interior. The flash provided the light.

 We all climbed up on top of the caboose, and that despite the fact that the legality of doing so was murky at best. Extricating Miles from the roof of the caboose was possibly the scariest moment of the entire trip.

Enjoying ice cream after supper at the river walk in San Antonio, TX. I did not take enough pictures of the river walk, which stands out in my memory as one of my favorite moments from the trip. The downtown of San Antonio is built along the river which meanders it's way through past walkways, shops and restaurants. It was really stunning. The photo above, which is the only one I took, does not do it justice. You can't really tell, but that's the river behind us.

LAST DAY ON THE ROAD

It hasn't worked out to bring the daily updates on our progress eastward as I had originally planned.

Here's an overview of the past few days. Van Horn- San Antonio- Lafayette- New Orleans- Biloxi- Mobile. We enjoyed stops at the river walk and the Alamo in San Antonio, TX as well as the French Quarter in New Orleans, LA. We slept in Daphne, AL last night, which is on the far side of the bay from Mobile, AL. Today we plan to press on to our new home in Lulu, FL.

Along the way there has been a lot of "oohing" and "ahhing" at the scenery. After driving through the parched wastelands of Arizona, New Mexico, and West Texas- Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama appear to have an embarrassment of riches in the water department. Everything is swampy and green. A lot of empty miles to just think. I like empty-mile daydreaming. With the increase in water has come an increase in the road kill seen alongside the interstate. Really, until east Texas there wasn't much road kill to speak of. I am grateful for the comedic stylings of Jim Gaffigan on my I-Pod for getting me through some of the longer stretches of Texas. Last night we permitted ourselves a detour along the Gulf coast, which was beautiful.

I have never been to a number of these states we've traveled through, and I have to say that at first blush I like them. I was especially impressed with Texas. San Antonio is a wonderful city. Louisiana was also special, and the gulf coast in Mississippi seemed nicer than average.

The cheapest gas we have seen was $2.95 in Slidell, LA. It has been over a decade since CA has seen gas that cheap.

There have been a lot of emergency pee stops, both on the side of the howling interstate and in some of our nation's most unwholesome bathrooms.

Jack threw up twice.

Sarah has been collecting Starbucks mugs from each state we pass through only to find that, according to the Starbucks employees in Biloxi, no such mug exists for Mississippi, and "maybe not for Alabama either." They are a little upset about that, but not as much as my wife. She is vexed.

We have celebrated at each state line by taking one last gulp of air in the state we are leaving and holding our breath as long as we can into the next state. Then hooting and hollering. Now we only have one more state line to cross as we pass into Florida. If our van is found crashed on the far side of the state line you will know that I held my breath too long.

Today the road trip adventure will give way to the Lulu adventure.

Please be praying for us, especially the kids, during this time of transition.

LA LA TO LULU---DAY 1 AND DAY 2

Tonight I'm writing from the Ramada Inn in Van Horn, TX, and I am exhausted. I won't be writing much. Yesterday at 1:06 pm our van pulled away from the beach house in Oxnard. Although there were plenty of unscheduled stops to pee we mostly just powered through until we stopped for gas at the flying J on the other side of the Arizona State Line. We had an emotional moment as we zipped past the 8th street exit in Banning.

Rolled in to the Irving's house at 8:45pm apx, and we were grateful for their hospitality. Had a nice but all too brief visit with them before pulling out early the next morning. East Arizona and Southern New Mexico were beautiful. I had never been to Texas before so I was excited to cross the TX state line. It was fun to Juarez on the other side of the Rio Grande as we drove through El Paso.

Mostly just mind-numbing miles and a whole lot of nothing as we drove. Kids are bouncing off the walls and nerves are frayed, but still it is an adventure nonetheless. The countryside is stunning.

Tomorrow we plan to stop long enough to tour the Alamo in San Antonio.

It's a big country.

CATAN GAME PIECE ART CONTEST

Who can resist the urge to build and create with the Catan game pieces between turns as you play the best board game ever created? I can not. I have seen some amazing art created with Catan game pieces during my years of playing Settlers of Catan, and it is time to recognize this emerging form of artistic expression with a contest right here at the BFZ.

If you would like to participate, entries must be photographed and submitted by email before the first of the year. Send your entries to barefootkangaroo@aol.com.

Only entries consisting of one standard baggy of game pieces of a single color will be considered. No other materials besides the game pieces may be used and absolutely no glues, tapes or adhesives may be used either.

Here are some examples of some Catan art I made last night. These move in an architectural direction but entries can be whatever you like.

A pioneer fort.

Catan Henge (Surprisingly difficult to construct.)

A Mayan Pyramid

 

The winner will get a $10.00 gift card to Subway!

KOD AND BEANID vs THE CHAMPLAIN MONSTER (part 5/5)

The beast was close enough
I could smell its fishy breath.
I yelled to brother Beanid,
"Prepare yourself for death!"

But Beanid wasn't resigned
To enter in the gaping maw.
He yelled out, "It isn't fitting
To eat a sailor raw."

With that he smashed an oil lantern
Setting the ship a'light,
And the sudden conflagration
Gave the beast a terrible fright.

For with a look of wide-eyed terror
It dove with a parting roar
Creating a wave of such a size
As washed our ship ashore.

And to those who doubt this story
Tell me how else could it be
That our charred and blackened ship
Came to be up in a tree?

Beanid's the hero of the story
For it was he who set the fire
But if the fire hadn't saved us
It would have proved a funeral pyre.

Setting the ship on fire
May have seemed a little hasty
But if Beanid was gonna be food
He wanted to be cooked and tasty.

EASTWARD EXPANSION?

I wonder if the pilgrims, those hardy pioneers who ventured forth upon the North American continent, had landed in Southern California instead of the NE coast if they ever would have expanded eastward. Most likely not. They would have stayed put. Who would voluntarily leave the Garden of Eden?

FILTHY LUCRE

Every time I see Geico's new ad campaign with the man who is made of money traveling around with his money-skin sloughing off I think to myself, "Gross!"

It must smell funny, right?  I mean he sleeps, eats, and perspires in that money-fur of his, and what of the money that flakes away from certain unmentionable regions of his corpus? That's just unhygienic.

Dingleberries?

There would be no laws against laundering this money, I can tell you that.

I'm not saying I wouldn't gather up the money shed from his body if he happened to roar past on his Harley, but I would certainly gather it into a zip lock bag, wash my hands immediately afterward and then take it to the bank straightaway to be rid of it.

When you're moving there are few things as beautiful as a sturdy cardboard box.

SNOW IN SEPTEMBER?

 Nope, it's hail. Since moving to Idyllwild I have witnessed a lot of awesome mountain thunderstorms, but in terms of sheer power and intensity this was one of the best.

Crackle-CRACK ba-ROOM! Torrential!

More water fell in a few minutes then I think I have seen all year here in Idyllwild. Just awesome!

VIETNAMESE WILD MEN FOUND LIVING IN THE JUNGLE

If I was a Hollywood insider I would lobby to have their story made into a movie. Read all about it HERE.

BUY MY BOOK. HELP US MOVE.

(Mom, I will not be paying you any royalties for posing on the cover.)

God willing, Sarah and I will be moving away from Idyllwild and Camp Maranatha before the end of the year to pursue my calling to pastoral ministry. Understandably that presents us with a mix of emotions. Mostly, we are excited but anytime you tear up roots as deep as the ones we have sunk in Idyllwild there's gonna be some pain too. We have not yet made our decision on where to go from here, but all signs are pointing to a decision within the next month, and a move before Thanksgiving.

Moving is expensive, and the Tates will be in need of cash. So here's how you can help. To raise money to help us move I have written a book containing 50 collected poems, which I have written mostly over the past three years.

The book, titled "Like Smoke," contains such lines as;

As the sun spread
Over the frozen field
It blazed and bristled
Like an elfin army-
Millions upon millions
Of silver spears.
(From the poem "Burning Bushes")

She spoke words into me
Like a spark into tinder
And watched with joy
As the wild thing spread.
(From the poem "Spark Into Tinder")

and many, many more...

I will be posting a few poems between now and the end of the month so you can sample the goods.

Here's what the critics are saying-

"Like Smoke is the single greatest thing ever written in the English language. Move over, Shakespeare!"
Tosh Jate

"After reading Like Smoke I decided to stop being a writer. Everything I have ever written comes off like the ugly sister compared to this book. In the pages of Like Smoke I witnessed the highest summit of prose, and it was such a height of excellence that my efforts as a writer could simply never attain. Why continue? My life is a mediocre waste."
Chuck Berlinsky

"Wow! Just wow!"
Barak Obama, 44th President of the United States

So buy my book and help us move. This is a limited time offer. I will only be accepting orders between now and the end of August.

Here's how to order.

Between now and August 31st I will be taking orders for "Like Smoke." The books will be printed toward the end of August and you will receive your book no later than September 14th.

The cost of "Like Smoke" is $12.00 per book, which includes shipping and handling.

Please send payment to

PO BOX 618
Idyllwild, CA
92549

Please indicate the number of copies you would like and what address to ship them to.

Thanks for helping us move!