Key & Peele: Baby Forest

YOU CAN QUOTE ME

"If you will not have Jesus' life as an example then it can only serve as an accusation."
JBT

RENAMING PONDS

I read this article earlier today about a pond in NH which bears a controversial name. Apparently the good people of Mont Vernon, NH are planning on renaming the pond something less offensive. The whole thing struck me as slightly orwellian. Renaming places for political reasons strikes me as vaguely unAmerican. The Soviets were big into renaming things (St. Petersburg= Stalingrad). America still calls an entire region "New England," and that despite the atrocities of the Revolution and the war of 1812. New Mexico wasn't renamed either. I have always been struck by how the names of many American states and place names have Indian origins. Clearly that began when Indians were not particulary well liked here in these United States. I think the Soviets would have renamed places like Connecticut and Iowa with less Indian sounding names and New Mexico would have been renamed "Jefferson" or something. I don't have a problem with renaming the pond exactly. It makes sense on some levels, but something is lost when you do that. The old name, though it may be jarring, would cause anyone who encounters it to think and wrestle about its meaning. The new name will just be a name, and that's a shame.

This reminds me of another pond with a thought provoking name- I remember once, as newlyweds, Sarah and I were out for a drive when we passed a sign for "Ticklenaked pond" in Caledonia County, Vermont. We had to turn around and make sure that was what the sign said. "Yep, Ticklenaked pond." In my opinion, that's the best named body of water in the world. Just perfect! Someday I want to buy property on Ticklenaked Pond. In fact, as long as we're renaming stuff, I think that the United States should unilaterally rename the Atlantic Ocean "Ticklenaked Ocean," and the Mississippi river, "Ticklenaked river." Maybe we should even rename the State of Mississippi while we're at it. Say "Ticklenaked" with a southern drawl and you will instantly see the appeal of renaming Mississippi.  "You yankee agitators aint got no business down here in Ticklenaked. Now g'on, gyit!" Of course then when kids counted during hide-and-go-seek they would have to say "1-ticklenaked, 2-ticklenaked, 3-ticklenaked..."

THE BEE LADY

I saw the bee lady yesterday. I saw her as I stepped out along the way that leads toward your house. She was standing under the trees. You know the ones, with the bark peeling and the brown leaves clinging to their brittle twigs. That's where I saw her. She stood in their midst like it was she who was killing them. Bees swarmed about her, covering half of her face, going in and out of her mouth, nose and ears. She had no eyes, only holes, and honey dripped from the empty sockets like tears.

PROPOSED SLOGANS TO DRAW TOURISM TO MY TOWN- IDYLLWILD

"Idyllwild- RUN TO THE FOREST! RUN!"

"Idyllwild- Come get lost in the woods!"

"Idyllwild- Between the city lights and the stars."

"Idyllwild-"Wanna get high? Come to Idyllwild! 5300 feet!

"Idyllwild- 20 restaurants but nowhere to buy underwear."

"Idyllwild- What happens behind Fairway market stays behind Fairway market."

Respectfully Submitted,

Josh Tate

AFTER WATCHING THIS CATCHY VIDEO I MAY JUST HAVE TO CHANGE MY VOTE TO RICK SANTORUM.

MY SHOES UPDATE

It has been awhile since I last brought an update on my shoes. Sadly, the Perry Ellis shoes and the Mallards are no more. I know! I'm sorry if that comes as a shock to you. The New Balance shoes continue to serve as Captain of the footwear, but just this past week the inner lining along my achilles heel wore away to reveal a sharp piece of hard plastic which was cutting into me. I used some heavy duty tape to perform a bit of emergency cobblery (PHOTO BELOW), and they seem to be as good as new. Whew! That was a close one for the Captain!

 The injury to the New Balance shoes couldn't have come at a worse time because a new pair of contenders has entered the line up and is challenging their status as the top dog of Josh Tate's footwear.

 These are the Doc Martens, recently acquired on sale at Marshalls. Something about their design reminds me of the shoes that they issued to the black troops in the movie Glory. "Whe-whe-when are w-w-we gonna get da-da b-blue, b-blue suit?"

I needed something nicer than sneakers but not quite as dressy as my Wing Tips. These fit the bill nicely.

KONY 2012

For lunch today I had chicken noodle soup with a soda on the side! It was delightful. Do yourself a flavor and purchase the necessary meal components today so that you may enjoy them during tomorrow's lunch.

I'M GOING ON TOUR!!!

On May 5th my brother, Job, is going to get married in the greater Chicago area. So the whole fam is flying in on the 3rd. After the weddign we are driving (or possibly taking the train) to Vermont where we will stay until the 18th when we will depart for home. If we are able to arrange vehicular transport from Chicago to Vermont then we plan on making a stop at my old alma mater, Houghton College. I haven't been there in over a decade, and would enjoy seeing it again.

I've also decided to use this trip as an opportunity to launch an exploratory bid for the presidency. I'll be speaking at various venues along the way about my vision for the country. It'll be a Bummer-Free Bus Tour. I'll need to invest in a broom like Homer Stokes. No need to track down a midget though. Miles will suffice.

GREAT CHUCKLING KEYBOARD KEYS!

I gave being fat a try and I just recently decided it's not a good look for me. I'm not going to be fat anymore. This will undoubtedly disappoint Sarah who is kind of a chubby chaser.

I found this article chilling and yet also refreshingly honest for its lack of obfuscation or mitigating langauge. Satan is rarely this clumsy. I was amazed that these scholars were unashamed enough to write such  morally and intellectually offensive things as these and even more amazed that they were so brash as to submit them for public review. If I hadn't already skipped to the end and read how all of this ends I would be tempted to despair at the trajectory of things.