THINGS I THOUGHT TODAY BUT DIDN'T SHARE WITH ANYONE (until now)

Whenever I receive letters from the kids’ school addressed to their “Guardian” I always feel like a superhero or something. "Guardian? Who, Moi? Oh, do go on!"

Guardian. It has a certain ring to it, does it not? The only title I would prefer more is “Lord Protector,” like Oliver Cromwell. Still, “Guardian” isn’t bad. It would be a good name for a superhero whose mild-mannered alter ego is a non-conventional caregiver.

 

Sometimes I think that the Kratts brothers are like the youth pastors in the church of Gaya. “Creature Power!” “Go Wild!”

 Walking through cemeteries always inspires me to start planning my funeral.

 If NJ Governor, Chris Christie, goes on to prove a contender for the Republican nomination in 2016 he would be wise to steer clear of Corpus Christi, TX while planning his campaign stops. From one fat man to another, speaking in a place called Corpus Christi could only invite jokes about the corpus of one Governor Christie. I wonder if that would be a difficult conversation for an aide to have with Governor Christie. “Sir, we need to talk about this plan to stump in Corpus Christi.”

 

What’s up with spatula design? They always have slots, holes, or squares in them, and that despite the fact that they are used most often, in my experience, to scoop and flip batter and eggs which inevitably becomes stuck in the aforementioned slots, holes and squares. Why are they there to begin with?  What is their function?

 

If I could trade voices with anyone I would, without a moment’s hesitation, swap voices with Gene Hackman. I love that man's voice.

I think if Stinker the Tinker is ever to take his place in popular culture he must have a catchy Christmas Carol to propel him into national consciousness. When my ship comes in I will commission such a song from Gordon Lightfoot. I wonder what he's up to.