TEN MILLION DOLLAR BIGFOOT BOUNTY!!!

Finally!!! The invisible hand of the market has been brought to bear in all of its glorious might in deciding the question of Bigfoot's existence. I am confident that Spike TV will accomplish what decades of quackery, plaster casts and grainy film footage have failed to do, namely to bring the public undeniable evidence of bigfoot's existence. I am glad that I have lived to see this day. Spike TV has proposed a $10,000,000.00 bounty to the the team that can bring us sasquatch. That's the American way!

(Special thanks to Maxon for tipping me off to this amazing story. Now to assemble my team!)

FOOTBALL NAMES

A few nights ago I walked down to the camp's office to get something I had accidentally left down there. As I crossed the parking lot I noticed that the floodlight behind the office was on. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I caught some movement to the left of the office, and as I turned I observed a coyote running at full speed out of sight behind the office. At nearly the same moment a duck came flying out of the opposite side of the building. It looked to me like the coyote had morphed into another creature as it ran behind the office, and shot out the other side as a duck.

So, of course, I went to the left of the office, got up a good head of steam and ran at full speed beneath the floodlights behind the office. Nothing happened. I was disappointed. Maybe I didn't run fast enough.

PRODUCT IDEA- Snack-a-roni and cheese!

I love macaroni and cheese out of the box. (I know what you're thinking. How does he keep such a girlish figure with such eating habits? It's a gift. Don't hate, appreciate!) Honestly, the more generic the better, but the portion size is always just too darn big. I propose that Kraft come out with a snack sized portion, maybe 1/3 of a box, and promote it as "Snack-A-Roni and Cheese". I looked up Snackaroni and was surprised to learn that such a phrase is already in use according to the Online Urban Dictionary. I gotta get my snackaroni on!

SHORT STORY IDEA

I read an article today about a man who tried to rob one dollar from a bank in an intentional effort to go to jail. This reminded me of an idea for a short story I had once and which I would still like to write someday if I ever have the time. In my story a group of homeless men living in a northern city decide that it would be better to go to jail than to continue living on the streets in the dead of winter. However, they decide that if they're gonna commit a crime they might as well go out in a blaze of glory. So they decide to do something big like robbing a bank. However, much to their surprise they accidentally get away with it. Most of the story would document the ensuing moral dilemma for them. Their original intent was to go to jail where they would at least be guaranteed a bed and three square meals a day, but when they accidentally succeed in their heist they don't know what to do about the money. I think it would be a good story. Maybe someday I will put pen to paper. I need a catchy title.

TOP TEN LESSER KNOWN POLICY POSITIONS OF MITT ROMNEY

10. Team Jacob
9. Favors shortening "eleven" to just "leven" (Finally somebody has the courage!)
8. He's opposed to murdering kittens
7. Bobberball should be an olympic sport
6. Always says couch, never sofa
5. Favors a final solution for the nation's cat problem.
4. Federal recognion of "never nudes" as mental illness (An issue that's very personal to him.)
3. Techno Viking to be named head of the joint chiefs of staff.
2. Wants to bring bust of Bill and Ted back into the Oval Office.
1. Once elected, he intends to assign Dog the Bounty Hunter head of a high profile task force to finally put the sasquatch question to rest. "Smoke him out, Dog."

JUST AWESOME!

I'M READY FOR SNOW.

CRUSHED IT.

If I possessed the necessary technical know how I would have used photoshop or whatever to paste Mitt Romney's head onto the body of the main character in this Corona Beer commercial after last night's debate.

TOP 10 PLACES I WANT TO SLEEP BEFORE I DIE

10. Amidst the hustle and bustle of a night shift at a factory. I'll just make up a little cot in a break room or janitor's closet or something.
9. On a cot next to Niagara Falls
8. On a cot in the midst of the babbling waters of a shallow stream.
7. In an emergency shelter I had to make myself out in the woods. (Must be out of necessity, and not for the fun of it.)
6. In the White House
5. In a private berth on a sleeper train
4. In an igloo.
3. In a secret room behind a false wall.
2. On a bed made up in the back of an open pick up truck being driven along side streets in the desert.
1. Overnight on the fifty yard line in the midst of a deserted FedEx field (The Redskins' Stadium)