Monday, June 27, 2011
I NEED SOME ADVICE
Occassionally I find myself in the company of people who are disfigured in some way. Maybe they are a burn victim or an amputee. Maybe they have a disease or part of their face has been removed. I have to confess that I struggle to know how best to act around such a person. Should I avoid staring directly at their injury? You know, just be cool and pretend like it's not there? "Oh, that? Wow, I didn't even notice that you're nose is missing!" Or should I just call out the elephant in the room and ask them right away about the cause of their injuries? "Ooh! What happened to your nose?" Would that be obnoxious? Unwelcome? Will they think I'm a faker if I don't ask them about it? I want to put them at ease, and I want to be at ease myself, but I get so worked up that I'm never sure if I've done the right thing. I never come away from such an interaction feeling like I handled it just right, and I want really badly to get it right. Any suggestions?
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7 comments:
I think you should wait until you get to know them better. Can you imagine having to explain yourself to every person you meet? Maybe since I work with the public, I am more sensitive to the time issue & privacy issues. Every time I have a cold sore or a cast, it's what happened to your face? It gets old when you don't want to keep talking about it.
I wholeheartedly agree with Marlene.
It DOES get old.
And I don't have anything horrible or disfiguring (generally) that I'm singled out for...only that I'm not white. And getting asked "What are you?" and "Where are you from?" constantly is irritating, rude and invasive to my person.
Get to know me first and then, just maybe, I'll bring it up myself. Thankyouverymuch.
So...you're an eskimo, right?
That's excellent advice, Marlene.
Ask what you want to know. Dont wait for someone to tell you on a whim they think you might want to know something. Do it with tact of course. If they are bothered by your question...that is part of life, get over it! (those working with the public or not white).
I think people need to be more sensitive when inquiring about such personal matters. Per the last commenters remarks, I do not believe that is the way to go. While I do not have any disfigurements, nor am I Korean (or sadly, noticeably Chinese), I find that people are often inadvertently insensitive, however well-intended. And it is not for the disfigured to simply become less sensitive. Most people will offer up an explanation, my advice is to wait for it.
As for Katie and her asian-ness, her North Korean roots are blatantly obvious. I mean, look at those beady eyes.
I hate the elephant in the room. I always want it mentioned. I want to know when someone says what they're thinking. Maybe because I do it.
But still. I think getting to know someone first is always best.
I wish more people asked me what I am instead of assuming I'm a white person. Because I obviously AM NOT. I am ITALIAN.
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