Monday, December 17, 2012


1. If my feet are cold I'm cold. If my feet are warm I'm warm. I have found that feet are the key to the body's temperature control. If I'm lying in bed and it's a little too hot under the covers I just slip my feet out for some fresh air and- WHAMMO- instant relief. Conversely, if it's cold in the room I just need to get my feet warmed up and my entire self feels warmed.

2. I would guess that when I answer the phone at work and identify myself, "Good morning, Camp Maranatha, this is Josh," roughly half of the callers hear me say "Jeff" when I say "Josh." I must be saying it wrong to have such a large number of people hear me wrong. You would think after nearly 35 years as a Josh I would have become more practiced at saying my name, but apparently I am really bad at it.

3. Why are hospitals so uncomfortable? I have never encountered a chair or bed or any other piece of furniture in a hospital and thought to myself, "I've got to get one of these for my house." An airport terminal is more comfortable! Hospitals should be comfortable, right? I go there because you're in a state of discomfort and looking for relief. If I'm elected president I will make hospitals more comfortable.


Sarah's a winner! Quite literally she is, she won tickets recently (from 98.7) to an ugly sweater party and private performance by one of her favorite bands, Tegan and Sara, to be performed in the penthouse of the historic Hollywood towers. Following the performance, which, according to Sarah, was amazing, they allowed for photo ops with the band, which were subsequently posted to 98.7's website. I scrolled through all of the photos which were a series of boring pictures, the sort that only people who are actually in the photo would give a rip about, before coming to Sarah's photo. Clearly she made the most of her photo op. That's my Sarah. She's a winner!

She said to Tegan, "I'm going to do reindeer antlers!"

And Tegan said, "Like this?"

Friday, December 14, 2012


It has been several years since my last "Moose Leg Dream," which along with "The Cover Dreams" are the only dream series that I have experienced in my life. I call them series because the dreams that fall under these headings share some similarities (see links above if you want to psychoanalyze me) and also because they are similar in feel. In my mind these dreams are clearly related, and since my mind produced them then related they must be. Although I do appreciate the ways that God has used dreams in the Bible I am not one to attribute much significance or hidden meaning to my dreams. If they were vital communiques from God then I think He would have made that abundantly obvious. God is a good communicator. I think these dreams speak more to the restless nature of the human brain. The mind never stops. In this, brains are much like sharks. If they stop moving they die. Although I'm not the sort to talk about dreams much I have posted about them quite a bit. Remember the one when I had an affair with Britney Spears? Or the the time I was pulled down and eaten by lions? Or my attempt at disecting the anatomy of a dream?  Or my artistic rendering of the sorts of dreams I get when I have a fever? (Fever dreams are the worst.)

Several nights ago I woke up with a start at 4:23am- seven minutes before the alarm. My eyes had flown open like shutters and reality poured in through my window-eyes. I hate it when wakefulness interrupts a good dream. It feels exactly like when you get to the end of a really good book, and you just want it to go on and on and on. I wanted to return to my dream, but no dice. The shutters had been opened. Reality had poured in. There was no going back.

In my dream I was Moose Leg again. I was walking on a path through the pre-dawn, snowey woods. As in other Moose Leg Dreams I was filled with an amazing vitality, a euphoric joy and bridled energy. This energy didn't just make walking easier, it actually made it necessary. It was like my entire frame was under pressure, and if I hadn't given the energy release by chanelling it into walking it would have caused me to explode. As I walked, obstacles kept presenting themselves. Fallen trees, dense undergrowth, and rocks appeared as impassable barriers in the path ahead, but just as I would draw near to the obstacle a way would present itself to continue on without slowing down. As the sun came up I emerged from the woods into a broad valley. In the distance, a small town (like one you might see on a Christmas card) sat at the trail's end. It was early enough that the town was still asleep, but as I walked down the trail I was confident of a warm reception. It was like I had been long absent from people who loved me a lot, and my arrival would be like a soldier's homecoming on Christmas morning. Even though the town was in sight I couldn't wait to get there! I was excited!

Then I woke up.

I wanted to return to my dream, but no dice. The shutters had been opened. Reality had poured in. There was no going back.

Sunday, December 2, 2012



Earlier today I was taking a Happy Day Eve nap when I woke unexpectedly to the sound of clanking chains and horrible wailing. Terrified, I peaked out from underneath the covers and saw Jim Zorn and Jason Campbell shuffling into my room. They beckoned me to join them on a gurney, which magically elevated and flew out the window and back into the mists of time. With them as my guide we revisited all the Happy Days that have come before. It was horrible. After revisiting the Redskins' catastrophic loss to the Eagles in 2009 I collapsed sobbing onto my knees in front of Jason Campbell. I grabbed big handfuls of his jersey and as tears ran down into my beard I begged him to stop. Then all of a sudden, POOF, they were gone and I was left alone sobbing on my knees in front of the television.

The television!

I gazed in wonder at a message that Zorn had left for me, written with his finger in the dust on the television screen- "Redskins beat Giants, 23-17!"

From my house to yours, have a wonderful and victorious Happy Day!!!