PROJECT FREE LUNCH

You may interested to know that I recently authored two letters. The first was a brief but stinging missive to Subway Corp. recanting the content of an earlier letter in which I enthusiastically praised their eatery. Why the turnabout? Well, Kwik Market and Delicatessan at the intersection of Roxford and San Fernando Road in the the fair hamlet of Sylmar, CA has stolen my heart with their product, which is decidely delicious in a superior sort of way. In fact, their sandwiches are so mighty in taste that I can't help but look on Subway's feeble efforts as weighed, weighed and found wanting. Consequently, the second letter will be dispatched with all due haste to the good people down at Kwik Market so that I may communicate the fullness of my appreciation for their superior product which makes all other sandwiches appear shabby, limp, inferior, and, frankly, inedible.

To my readers in the greater Los Angeles area I implore you to do yourself a favor and treat yourself to a Kwik Market sub at the earliest opportunity. You will not be disappointed.

PROJECT FREE LUNCH

It's time to resume my charm offensive on the nation's restaurant chains in the hope of getting free stuff in return. Just so we're clear I want to repeat my rules for project free lunch.

Rule #1- I only write to restaurants I like.
Rule #2- I only write things which are true. No flattery. No overblown hyperbole.

I must confess that my goals are not entirely altruistic. As the title of the post suggests I am out to get a free lunch, but not through deceit.

Sadly, the following restaurants have so far failed to respond to my missives- Red Robin, Subway, Joe's Crab Shack, CA Pizza Kitchen and Papa John's. Despite their refusal to acknowledge my praise with gifts of free/discounted food I am still in the black by $22.24 thanks to the generosity of Carl's Jr., McDonalds, Starbucks and PepsiCo.

My newest targets are Chik Fil-A and P.F. Chang's. I'll keep you posted.

PROJECT FREE LUNCH- STARBUCKS

 I heard back from the good people at Starbucks today. In response to my letter in praise of their superior java they sent me two free drinks! Huzzah! They're good for any drink and also any size. Sarah estimated that is worth at least $10.00 all together, which brings Project Free Lunch to a whopping total of $22.24 in my return on investment.

The only bummer is that the cards are clearly designed for distribution to dissatisfied customers which I AM NOT! Inside the card it starts by saying, "We apologize if your Starbucks experience was anything but wonderful. We want to know how we can make things better..." I love the free drinks, but I'm afraid that presenting such a card to the barista will automatically identify me as some kind of diva with an oversized sense of entitlement. I said I like your coffee, Starbucks. My experience was wonderful! That's why I wrote the letter. Seriously though, this might just keep me from ever redeeming these free drinks. I'm very image conscious, as you can tell from my stylin' duds. I won't risk being misidentified as that type of person.

I'll have Sarah do it for me. One of these babies has your name on it, honey.

PROJECT FREE LUNCH-CHIPOTLE

I heard back from Chipotle today who I had praised in my letter for the quality of their ingredients, affordability, excellent service and their cilantro-lime rice (All true- it's a great restaurant). Their response, authored by one Alicia Swartz,was nice and appreciative but there were no coupons inside for free or discounted food. It felt a little like receiving a birthday card without a check inside. Just "Thanks for taking the time to write."

Goodwill alone is hard to quantify, so, sadly, the return on investment from Chipotle has to be recorded as a disappointing negative forty-four cents.

At this time, I am still waiting to hear back from Red Robin, Subway, Starbucks, Joe's Crab Shack, CA Pizza Kitchen and Papa John's. That's $2.64 in postage. So far I have heard back from Carl's Jr. ($12.00), McDonalds ($2.00), Pepsi ($0.44), and Chipotle (-$0.44). That means that even after today's disappointing letter from Chipotle I am still ahead by $11.36.

PROJECT FREE LUNCH UPDATE

 In the last installment of Project Free Lunch I reported a -$0.44 loss on my letter to the good people at PepsiCo. Well, the very next day I went to PO BOX 618 and found this package from the Pepsi mother ship waiting for me. I had given up on them too soon it would appear.

 It didnt contain any coupons for free (or discounted) pepsi as I had hoped, but it did contain magnets in the shapes of soda bottles featuring pepsi, pepsi max, and diet pepsi.

 It also contained a spiffy lanyard for my keys emblazoned with the pepsi logo.

Better than the magnets and lanyard though was this letter from Robin Harris who works in Pepsi's consumer relations department. I have faithfully transcribed Pepsi's response to my letter below. Enjoy.

Dear Josh,

Thank you for contacting PepsiCo. Your interesting letter was just sent to me and I'm happy to respond.

I've read lots of letters from Diet Pepsi drinkers but yours stands out. I've never before heard someone's loyalty to our product described in terms of being the ultimate request during their final meal before their execution. Whoa, Nellie!

Though you wanted to thank us for producing a great drink, I want to thank you for taking the time to write. Your fanaticism is inspiring and your allegiance is much appreciated.

Again, thanks for thinking of us. I hope that the upcoming summer months are good ones for you.

Sincerely,

Robin Harris
Team Lead Consumer Relations

My fanaticism inspires Pepsi! That's awesome. And although the value of the magnets and lanyard are difficult to estimate I'm gonna say that I at least got the cost of my $0.44 stamp back, which brings me to a return on my investment so far of $12.68. My next letter, which I intend to mail tomorrow, is going to the finest of pizzerias, The California Pizza Kitchen (who serves Pepsi instead of Coke by the way).

PROJECT FREE LUNCH

Approximately one month ago I began OPERATION FREE LUNCH with a letter to Carl's Jr. thanking them for their Jalapeno Burger, and I have followed that up with another letter every Monday (my day off) to another eatery. In my letter to Carl's Jr. I argued that Hamburgers are the best food in the world and that their Jalapeno Burger was the very best kind of hamburger so, ipso facto, the Jalapeno Burger is the very best food in the world. Pretty sound logic, right?

They responded by sending me two, count 'em two, free Six Dollar Burgers cleverly designed to resemble hamburgers. If you subtract my $0.44 cent stamp that's an $11.56 return on investment. Pretty good, right?

Next I targeted Red Robin praising their garlic fries as well as the superior service we received from our waiter, Valencia, at the Red Robin in Temecula. I also wrote to the good people down at Pepsi inc. professing my undying fealty to them in the ongoing war vs. Coke. At this time I have not yet heard back from either (Return on investment, -$0.88). Thanks to the generosity of Carl's Jr. I am still ahead though by $10.68.

My next letter was to McDonalds praising them for their Play Areas, speedy service, and overall affordability, which is certainly important in these days of want and woe. They replied right away with two free items off of the dollar menu. Everything I write in my letters is positive and true, and, in case you are wondering, I never come right out and ask for free stuff. Subtract the $0.44 for that postage and now I'm ahead by $12.24.

Today I took a half hour* to knock out some letters to Subway, Chipotle, Starbucks, and Joe's Crab Shack. I'll keep you posted.

*Actually, I do not have too much time on my hands, as you might reasonably suspect from posts such as these. If anything my days are tight as a drum with work, school, ministry and four little kids. Don't judge me for how I use my free time.