AN UPDATE ON MY SHOES

It has been a while since I brought you a report on my shoes. During my last update I reported that my friend Sherry Christiansen had gifted me with two new pairs of shoes, which brought the total number of my shoes donated by Sherry to three. If you'll recall Sherry is also the lead suspect in the case of the mysterious flip-flops, which were anonymously donated through the mail. I know what it's like to walk a mile (several miles?) in Sherry's shoes. The Sperry Top Siders, which were among the shoes donated by Ms. Christiansen instantly leapfrogged all of my other footwear to assume the coveted role of Captain of the shoes. I loved them, but sadly they went the way of all shoes. I walked those poor things to death. I wore them until sizable holes opened up along their canvas sides and the soles became so thin I could feel the heat of the asphalt through them. However, they were such a noble and excellent pair of shoes that I decided to confer upon them a rare honor. Although their condition has rendered them unfit to wear them around town I have decided to mail them to the Lake House back in Vermont so I can use them as swimming shoes the next time I'm out.

Swimming shoes? The bottom of the lake is littered with all kinds of pokey things such as fresh water mussel shells, spiny water chestnuts, and occasionally broken glass as well thus necessitating the use of swim shoes.

Be advised, my Doc Martens have been promoted to interim Captain of the Footwear.

MY SHOES-

I wanted to bring you an update on my shoes. I know that some of you only continue to check in here at the BFZ to get periodic reports on the status of my footwear line up. Let me begin with a piece of sad news- this last winter I brought down a firestorm of controversy when I added a pair of shoes to the team from Camp Maranatha's Lost and Found. That was a tough decision, but in retrospect it was the right call. They served nobly during a season when the state of my footwear was at an all time low, and I did not have the necessary funding to obtain new shoes. Well, I am sad to report that I disposed of the Lost & Found shoes earlier today to make room for some new additions. The BFZ thanks them for their service, and for not giving me athlete's foot.

On a brighter note, thanks to mi amiga Sheri Christiansen I was recently gifted with two new pairs of shoes. She is also my primary suspect, by the way in, the case of the mysterious sandals which arrived under suspicious circumstances in the mail over a year ago. You long time readers will recall what I am talking about. As the story goes, these shoes were originally purchased for Sheri's husband, but for some reason they were weighed, weighed and found wanting. So it was left for me to receive the scraps from Mr. Christiansen's table, which I did with joy of course. They are beautiful shoes.

The first pair have instantly leap-frogged the other shoes in my possession to assume the coveted role of Captain of my footwear. They are Sperry Top-Siders, which I understand are kind of a high-end shoe. I recently gave them the start for a day trip to the Los Angeles Natural History Museum, which is a long, on-your-feet kind of day. Not only are they comfortable and stylish (I have actually received a number of compliments on them) but they just make me feel like a Kennedy or something-  like I am planning to go out in my yacht, and then return to Hyannis Port later on for a dinner party.

The second pair of shoes are a nice pair of Rockports, which brings some classy depth to my dress shoes. Aside from trying them on I have not yet had occasion to wear them, but they are being held in reserve alongside the Ol' Wing Tips for a worthy occasion that calls for a splashy debut.

I will keep you posted on my shoes' affairs as new developments warrant.

MY SHOES UPDATE

 In a desperate attempt to save the BOAT SHOES I attempted an extremely risky surgery this past week to convert them into a funky pair of flip-flops. During their august career the BOAT SHOES had seen heavy use, which eventually resulted in a tear along the instep. As time went on the tear widened and it became necessary to attempt the risky surgery.

 Once you cross the rubicon there is no turning back.

Tragically, the surgery failed. The resulting flip-flops were unwearable. They did not survive the surgery.

They were discarded today in a small, private ceremony.

R.I.P.

BOAT SHOES

7/14/2009-10/9/2011

MY SHOES UPDATE

With one of the Perry Ellis Shoes missing, and the Boat shoes and Mallards in the PUP (Physically Unable to Perform) list. I have made the controversial decision to start the Lost and Found shoes for my outing in the pulpit today. I wore them all day yesterday just to see if they could handle the workload, and they did fine.

I'll be watching them today to see how they do. It's a pretty big assignment.

MY SHOES

 I have no doubt whatsoever that many of you will find the very idea of taking a pair of shoes (of unknown origin and with unknown fungal issues) out of Lost and Found objectionable in the extreme, but if I may quote my son Bowden, "A daredevil gotta do what a daredevil gotta do!" One of the many hats I wear here at the camp is managing the Lost and found. Our policy is to dispose of any item that goes unclaimed for after thirty days. As I was going through the mountains of abandoned clothes, towels and such I found a handsome pair of Steve Madden shoes (see photo below). I made them my own and now I can truly say that I have walked a mile in another man's shoes. They are still shaped to their last owner's feet and feel wrong every time I wear them, but I intend to purchase a product which may remedy that. Are you gellin'?

Until they are made to be more comfortable I don't anticipate they'll get many starts, but the team has taken a lot of hits over the summer so they may be thrown into the mix full-time soon. 

Currently, the Perry Ellis shoes are still the Captain of the footwear although their soles have worn so thin that I can feel the heat of the pavement on my feet as I walk. The Ducks and The Boat Shoes, which both formerly ranked as Captain, but have since been demoted to part-time, bit players due to rips which formed (here and here) have only gotten worse. Their rips have widened, and I have made the difficult decision to try and convert the Boat shoes into a kind of homemade, funky pair of flip-flops. It's going to be a dangerous operation, but it may just represent the last, best chance to save the Boat Shoes from being tossed. I'm shipping the Ducks to the Lake House for future use as a pair of swimming shoes (The bottom of Lake Champlain is littered with freshwater mussel shells which makes wearing an old pair of crummy shoes advisable when you go swimming.). I'll keep you posted.

MY SHOES UPDATE

As you long-time followers of the BFZ already know I have been without a pair of flip-flops since last September, when my last pair gave up as I was giving a tour to a prospective guest group at work. It was a sad day.This has been the longest I have ever been without a pair of flip-flops since I began documenting the lives and adventures of my footwear here on the BFZ.

Well today a mysterious package arrived in the mail containing a single, perfect pair of flip-flops which I am wearing as I type by the way. Every breeze tickles the minute hairs atop my feet, which have been freed from the onerous and fetid confines of their shoe prisons. I love flip-flops. I hate socks. Let the feet breathe!

The only distressing thing is that the package gave no clues as to who might have sent the sandals- no return address, no little note, nothing... Every fiber of my being is screaming with a singular desire to call the sender of these beautiful flip-flops and thank them. I want to dispatch a "Thank You" letter, but alas the giver was anonymous so whoever you are, consider this an open letter to you in thanks for the flip-flops. I love them.

I am not a size thirteen, I am actually a size 10 1/2 or sometimes an 11, but I prefer to buy my sandals in bigger sizes because the way my feet wear sandals causes them to slip off the sides. So I actually tend to buy sandals in this size. The senders of these flip-flops somehow knew that, which makes me wonder if this was some kind of an inside job. Or maybe they just guessed and got lucky. Hmmm... sounds like one for the Hardy Boys- "The Case of the Mysterious Flip-Flops."

Thank You! (Whoever you are!!! I have my suspicions.)

MY SHOES UPDATE AGAIN

 With all of the snow that we have been experiencing I decided to give the old Police Boots the start today. It was a good choice. I love these boots. I don't know why I don't wear them more often. I especially love the way they clomp-clomp-clomp their way across hard floors. They are not particularly waterproof, and they are not terribly warm either, but there is just something about them. They're comfortable and I like the way they look. They are easily the most expensive pair of footwear in my collection- thank you taxpayers of St. Albans City!

The Mallards, which you may recall were named Captain of the Footwear after the Boat Shoes were demoted following the discovery of a small tear along the side of the instep, have now apparently suffered the same fate (see photo below). Plus, the padding inside the Mallards bunches up everytime I remove my foot (see photo above). This is even worse then the tear along the instep. Oh how the mighty have fallen! They now appear to be doomed to be demoted as well, and possibly used as a flower pot this spring.

In light of these developments, there is more uncertainty surrounding the hierarchy of my shoes than a north-African dictatorship. CNN is even reporting that the Mallards were toppled in a coup earlier this morning, and that my house slippers have assumed emergency powers. Most experts agree that this is unlikely however as the slippers are not respected enough to patch together a coalition of support. The other shoes would never respect a pair of slippers enough to allow for them to take over the top job. The snow boots especially, which are the longest tenured pair of footwear in the house, may not even consider the slippers to be proper footwear. It is possible that the newly acquired "N-Shoes," which have never even been worn, except to see if they fit, could be immediately declared the Captain of the footwear just as  John Roberts was immediately given the title of Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. A more likely scenario is that the Perry Ellis shoes could be named to the top spot following the sad news about their friends, the Mallards, ruptured instep. We all mourn the loss of the Mallards. I'll keep you posted. Things are happening pretty quickly aound here.

 In other shoe news. My Mother-In-Law has gifted us with a new shoe rack. The old one was determined by sarah to be too small and was also falling apart. This one feels luxuriously spacious and easily accomodates our shoes as well as their drama.

MY SHOES UPDATE

 The Boat Shoes have suffered a mortal wound, a gash along the outstep, and consequently they have been largely removed from the lineup. That's right, just largely removed. I know that most people would completely remove them, and throw them away, but they are still the sort of handy, slip-on footwear that is perfectly ideal for taking out the trash or running out to the car for something.

 My plan is to retire them this spring after the last frost. I will fill them with potting soil and plant flowers in them.

I am pleased to announce the arrival of a new pair of shoes to the team. I have purchased a pair of New Balance running shoes from Marshalls for $30.00. I hope to get back into jogging sometime soon. Jogging and bicycling are the only forms of excercise that I have been regular and disciplined about in years past. I actually really enjoy jogging, and my hope is to take it up again soon.  Welcome to the team "N Shoes."

MY SHOES UPDATE

My sandals are no more. I was giving a tour to a prospective guest group last Saturday when they decided to give up the ghost. I know that is kind of unprofessional. I don't typically give tours in flip-flops, but my broken collar bone made the putting on and taking off of other footwear impractical. It was kind of embarassing. I'm afraid I must have cut kind of a pathetic figure hobbling around the camp with one sandal on, the other barefoot, and my arm in a sling, wincing at every odd step on account of my broken collar bone. Let the record show that I predicted this was how the sandals would meet their end. The strap, you know, the one that goes between your toes, it snapped. Most sandals fail in this way. There's good money to be made by some ambitious inventor if a cost-effective way can be found to rectify this basic design flaw which virtually all flip-flops share. I'm not exactly sad about it though. As far as sandals go they had a pretty good run- 425 days to be exact. I originally purchased this pair for thirteen yankee greenbacks so that works out to about three cents a day. I feel like I got my money's worth out of 'em.

Unfortunately, the Champlain Boat Shoes are also showing considerable wear. A hole has appeared on the side of my right instep through which pebbles and such work their way in. The Champs had the bad luck to enter my shoe line up at a time when my footwear consisted of my sandals and three pairs of clunky boots. That means they were instantly promoted to captain of the footwear and got the start under all circumstances- whether going to church or stepping put for a hike with the kids the Champs were my go to shoes, and all the work has finally started to catch up with them. This week I made the difficult decision to promote The Mallards to Captain of the footwear ahead of The Champs. They just weren't getting it done anymore. They'll continue to see limited action, but, sadly, they're no longer captain material.

One nice thing about being laid up with a broken collar bone is that I have been able to spend more time puttering around the house in my slippers, which I received as a birthday gift from Sarah last January. Slippers are wonderful in general, and these specific slippers are definitely top shelf.