Thursday, November 29, 2012

THOUGHTS I HAD BUT DIDN'T SHARE WITH ANYONE (until now)

1. I don't trust the public enough to ever, under any circumstances, use the word niggardly for fear that they would mistakenly think I was being racist. Using big words is kind of pretentious and off-putting anyway- stingy will do just fine.

3. If I'm ever mistaken for someone famous by a fan who wants an autograph I'll just give it to him. I think that's what famous people would want.

4. Why is ninety percent of nature programming committed to sharks, crocodiles and snakes? They are not interesting animals.

5. Trying to be nice when you are breaking up with someone is like trying to throw a grenade softly.

6. When Sarah eventually goes through menopause I plan on telling her, "You don't have hot flashes. You are hot consistently." I'll just file that away for now, but someday, when Sarah is going through menopause, I'll bust it out, and she'll be all  like, "Josh, God made you from sweetness concentrate and forgot to add any water."

Tate, out!

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