Saturday, January 21, 2012

Hail to the Chief -- and This Time I Mean It!

I won't be voting for President Obama this November. My preferred alternatives include:

(1) Paul Ryan;
(2) Mitt Romney;

(3) Tim Pawlenty;

(4) Jeb Bush;

(7) Daniel Chamberlain;

(12) Marco Rubio;

(37) Rick Santorum;

(184) Tim Tebow;

(185) Josh Tate;

(362,437) Sarah Palin;

(112,382,939) that creepy Six Flags mascot;

(112,382,940) Ron Paul;

(112,382,941) Hillary Clinton;

(112,382,942) Flo from Progressive;

(214,889,567) Bronson Pinchot as Balki Bartokomous;

and (232,902,215) Newt Gingrich.

But I have found a place to unashamedly cast a vote for our president -- American Idol!

Honestly, that was awesome! Why can't he take a little time to lay down the whole cover track and release it on iTunes? Or YouTube, like one of those annoying proto-Biebers? How about an Oval Office karaoke concert opposite one of the Republican debates?

No! I've got it! We all know Joe Biden has had plenty of time to practice his beat-boxing and dance skills the past three years. If those two decide to forego the re-election campaign to record and release a fusion R&B/whatever the heck Joe is into album this fall, I promise you right now, I will buy 15 copies. Let's get Vladimir Putin and Dennis Kucinich in on this while we're at it!

On second thought, let's leave Dennis out. Probably better to leave him out.

President Obama, your oh-so-brief song made me smile. Now -- please make my joy complete. Use that soulful baritone to truly unite America for a change. Do it...for the children.



john tate said...

He nailed it right? That was pretty gutsy of the president. Let's draft Jeb!


I'm gladI made your list, but I don't think I should be ranked higher than Sarah Palin.


Agreed, by the way, regarding the gutsiness of his Al Green impersonation. Gutsy, indeed!

Maxon said...

What if I find you more qualified and of sounder temperament than Sarah Palin?


I'm through scrapping on Palin's behalf, especially given her growing irrelevance. So I'll just say "Oh, Steve!" and move on. I must also point out that I'm behind Tim Tebow. No point attached to that observation. It's just a curious fact. Just so you know it is not unlikely in the least that before this election is over I will have scrawled "Steve Maxon" in as a write-in candidate. You're near the top of my list. Really, why aren't you running?


I mean...besides the constitutional requirement that you be at least 35 years of age. Besides that, why not?

The Sauce said...

Josh you're the only rational person I know who supports Palin. And I support you. And Steve. in all things. I haven't heard the Al Green song yet, but it was recommended to me--Job's asleep about two feet from me so I'll abstain for now. Kinda disheartening to see I wasn't so much as a write-in candidate. I'll have my dad call your people. Consider me octagon(e). :-)