Saturday, April 13, 2013

SPAM SUBJECT LINE POETRY

For some time I have been collecting a list of the best spam email subject lines with the idea that I would cobble them together into a collection of spam poetry. Every line of every poem is a separate and complete subject line from emails I have received and deleted. In truth, I cannot claim to have authored these poems. The credit must go to all of those aspiring Nigerian poets who collaborated on this project. Thanks Nigerians!

If only I had sufficient wealth and/or leverage to compell William Shatner to read it for me in the style of a beat poet.

PRE-APPROVED

Hey you!
Guess who is looking for you online
Guess who has a secret crush on you
It's me
How do you feel about this?
Please respond
I heard you were lonely
Waiting for a call
I won't say no
Be more confident
Don't be shy
You're pre-approved

***   ***   ***

I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IF YOU ARE OK WITH THAT

Did you hear about your neighbors?
Did you hear the news?
Bad situation there
I would like to know if you are ok with that

I heard about your husband
He's cheating on you
Why do men cheat?
I would like to know if you are ok with that

Natural disasters coming soon
Economic collapse
Sexual predators in your neighborhood
I would like to know if you are ok with that

***   ***   ***

LOOKING FOR MYSELF

I'm looking for Joshua
Are you Joshua?
Do you know Joshua?
Is this Joshua?
Joshua?
Joshua, please respond
Joshua!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I did this same thing 10-15 years ago and submitted my work to an online magazine. They responded by adding a liine to their FAQ page expressly forbidding any future submission comprising spam email subject lines. I see they modified it to now outlaw "goofy e-mail names from spam you received or funny text messages you received from your friend that time last week when he was inebriated," so you may yet have a shot.

I would add that your poems are WAY better than whatever it was I compiled.

-Steve

Joshua Tate said...

Proof that great minds really do think alike!

Sarah Tate said...

These are awesome. I actually really love them...especially "Looking for Myself."

You're a catch, Josh Tate.