I want to wake up in a house that is my own- a stand-alone house with more window than wall.

I want to pad barefoot across its floors, which are more floor than furniture.

I want to stand with a cup of tea, and scratch my chest, before one of its many windows.

I want to stare out on a new day, full of golden promise, and watch as the rising sun paints the earth anew.

BUILDING A STONE WALL

I have never built a stone wall, but someday I would like to. Seven years ago I even read a book on the topic. It had the unimaginitive title of "Building Stone Walls," but it offered numerous insights into the art and method behind their construction which I would not have thought of otherwise. I love the looks of an old stone wall. They are beautiful to me in a way that no other border can rival. They have a settled, heavy feel about them, which I enjoy, and I think they scratch an itch inside all of Adam's sons and daughters to exercise dominion over the earth. It's satisfying to see a straight and orderly line made from so many rough, irregular pieces. 

I remember that the book recommended collecting a large pile of rocks before getting started. The reason being that often times you will need to find a rock that has just the right shape, weight and size to fit a niche as you build, and it helps to have a large collection to select from.

I sometimes think of my posts like that- a collection of rough, irregular thoughts varying in shape, weight and size- and the BFZ is my rock pile, but what will I eventually build with them? I'm not sure, but the thought occurs to me that I would like to incorporate them into something straight and orderly someday.

SEND ME YOUR OVERHEARDS

Although the postcard itself features an image from Oregon City, Oregon the postmark said it was sent from western New York. Thanks to my finely tuned investigative skills I was able to track down the postcard's author and I confirmed the NY origins of these overheards. So now the Bummer-Free Zone has received overheards from 2 out of 50 states (CA and NY)! Sadly, still only 1 out of 7 continents, but we're just getting started! Keep 'em coming!

These were some of the best overheards I have ever encountered. They are mysteriously dated 5/14/08, and the subject matter is intriguing to say the least. Initially I felt like I might be looking at exhibit A for the prosecution, but then I remembered that hearsay is inadmissible. Correct me if I am wrong, but I think an overheard would have to be classified as hearsay. Am I right about that?

Anyway, these overheards were snatched out of the air through an apartment window in New York State during May of 2008:

"Was I the reason that he got stabbed? No."

"You were there."

"Yeah...I mean, I wasn't the reason, but I might have been the catalyst. I mean, I didn't have to punch that kid, but I punched him like six times."

So if I understand this correctly the individual who originally uttered these statements was present when an unknown male was stabbed, and that an altercation precipitated the stabbing, during which the speaker punched a "kid" approximately six times.

Nice work anonymous! Some of the finest overhearing I have ever witnessed, and to think that you sat on these gems for three years. Wow! I'm glad you let the BFZ share them with the world.

WINDED

Those who have only come to know me in the past 8 years might be surprised to learn that I was once an avid jogger. Why would they be surprised? Welll, cause I don't look like a jogger. That's why. It's true though, for extended periods of time in years past I made it my daily practice to go for a run at the end of the day. I like running, and although I've never been fast, once I hit my groove I could just go forever.

My favorite place to go jogging was out at the lake house. I used to run from the house to Benson Landing and back every evening (4 miles). On summer evenings the fields, which lined my route, would be full of fireflies. As I motored past I would pretend that their flashing came from paparazzi cameras. (I have always entertained delusions of grandeur). I also enjoyed running along the Saint Lawrence in Quebec City, around the campus at Houghton and up and down the hills of Pittsford during my police academy days, but I have found it hard to maintain a jogging regimen since moving to Idyllwild.

A few nights ago I decided that every other day I would begin concluding my time of study in the morning with a 30 minute jog. This morning was my first time out. I had preset my MP3 to the theme from Chariots of Fire, and, after doing my stretches, I headed out along a route which I had planned in advance. That's the only way to run in my experience. Start with a plan- "I'm gonna run to A and then over to B and then back here." Any deviation from that route is failure. That's what I tell myself. Stay the course. If it's harder then you had anticipated you've got to stick with the plan.

This morning was hard though. Harder then I expected. I was tempted at times to abandon my plan. My running form began as imperfect and then quickly turned into kind of a tortured shuffle as I forced myself along. Then buzzards began circling overhead waiting for the wounded creature that was me to die. My legs felt wooden, and not springy at all. My breathing was ragged, and, although it wasn't pretty, I managed to finish what I had set out to do. It was a start.This is why it is so important to start with a plan. My natural laziness and aversion to discomfort kicked in and whispered things like, "Whoa! Take it easy,"  "This is your first run in a long time. You shouldn't push it like this," "You should build up to this kind of a run," or "You should turn around and head back. You've gone far enough for your first time."

Deviation is failure I tell myself, and I keep on shuffling. Stick to the plan! To A, then over to B, then back home.

This reminds me of Hebrews 12:1-3, "Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and pefecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Jesus had his eyes on us (for we are the joy that was set before Him) as he went to the cross and so too should we "fix our eyes on Jesus" as we live for Him in these days. Jesus is all at once our coach, our fuel, our reason, our reward, and our victory. When we grow weary and feel like losing heart, when Satan begins to whisper, we should "consider Him who endured." He endured for us, and so we press on for Him. This business of being a Christian is not for sprinters. You've got to be tough, determined, gritty and even courageous to "run with perseverance." You don't need to be fast, but you do need to stick to the course "marked out," wherever that may lead. It's a long distance haul, filled with the enemy's head games. So, brothers and sisters, let's "fix our eyes on Jesus." Let's "consider Him." Let's run!

YOU CAN QUOTE ME

"Shame and pride are twins,
And mother selfish grins
To see her boys at play
Inside my heart today." JBT

THOUGHTS I HAD TODAY BUT DIDN'T SHARE WITH ANYONE (until now)

1. I wonder if barbers feel weird about touching strangers heads all day long. I don't think I could be a barber.

2. If nausea could be cured by transferring the discomfort to a willing second party I wonder how much would be the going rate for such a service. Like for instance, if Mrs. Smith had a 24 hour bug and was spewing all over the place, and she called me up because I had a business where I took people's nausea onto myself, how much would I charge for helping her out? I think $100.00 would be fair. Maybe a couple thousand for a whole first-trimester.  I would do it for my family (and any of you) for free though. Seriously, I would. I bet I would get super good at being nauseous, and I'd lose tons of weight too!!! On my business card I would have a catchy motto. Maybe "DON'T CALL IN SICK. CALL JOSH." No, that's horrible! Hmm...let's see...what would be a good motto for a vomit guy. Maybe something cheeky like "YOU MAKE ME SICK!"

3. I like floor to ceiling windows and wide hallways.

I often think it's odd
When I consider the mighty bear
That such a creature as I
Could give such as it a scare

OBJECTS THAT PREDATE THE MERGER

Move over Klaus Teuber! I too am an inventer of awesome board games. Back in the summer of 1999 I invented a board game about pirates and adventure on the high seas as a gift for Sarah, who was my girlfriend at the time. We were separated for the summer. I had stayed on at Houghton College (my old alma mater) for the summer to work on their custodial crew, and Sarah had returned to California. In the evenings, after I was done with work, there wasn't much to do in Houghton so I made this board game. I have found that mindless, reptitive labor followed by hours of complete down time consitutes the choicest of conditions for creativity to bloom.  If my labor today was more mindless and  if there were fewer demands on my evenings I think I would have written the great American novel by now. Anyway, the conditions were perfect in the summer of '99 for the birth of such a board game, and after working on it in the evenings for a week I shipped it off to my hot girlfriend in California. ('cause nothing tells your special lady that you've been thinking of her like a random, home-made board game.) I named the game "Tarberry Islands" after the main character of a defunct disney series, "The 100 lives of Black Jack Savage," which I enjoyed as a wee lad.

I pulled out Tarberry Islands this week because I have been reading "Stowaway" to the kids at bedtime, which is also about pirates. I was honestly suprised at how much the kids liked the game. Their ships navigated the treacherous waters surrounding the Tarberry Islands experiencing unspeakable hardships- scurvy, the royal navy, hostile natives, drunken crews, storms, sea monsters, sea battles, even mutiny- and all in search of treasure. Each had little sacks, hand-sewn by your's truly in 1999 from the remnants of a plaid shirt that Sarah didn't like, which swelled or shrunk over the course of the game depending on their fortunes. Jack, or Captain Jack as I prefer to call him, was the big winner, which was fortunate because much like the pirates of old he pretty much just dissolves into tears when things don't go him way.

Bowden proved bouyant in defeat and kind of hyper in victory.

Lucy was less bouyant, but not nearly as fragile as Captain Jack. She really only cried once, when she lost all of her money to The Shiny Shekel, captained by Bowden. Their two vessels intersected off the coast of Tate Island and a sea battle ensued. Bowden won two out of three rolls and "The Matilda," captained by Lucy, had to limp back into port for repairs without its accumulated booty. Lucy found it was easier to repair her ship than her bruised heart, but after a quick conference with Mom in the next room she came back with dry eyes and intent on revenge. Lucy perked up considerably when she pulled the Island Princess card on one of her turns, which spared her from all native attacks and when other players paid off the marauding natives the money went directly to her. Cha-ching! Plus she got to wear a pretty necklace which came with being the Island Princess. Captain Jack was sad that him didn't get to be the Island Princess though.

It's fun now that the kids are actually old enough to play games with. 1999-Josh had no idea as he crafted this game that he would one day play it with his and 1999-Sarah's kids. That's awesome!

PROJECT FREE LUNCH-CHIPOTLE

I heard back from Chipotle today who I had praised in my letter for the quality of their ingredients, affordability, excellent service and their cilantro-lime rice (All true- it's a great restaurant). Their response, authored by one Alicia Swartz,was nice and appreciative but there were no coupons inside for free or discounted food. It felt a little like receiving a birthday card without a check inside. Just "Thanks for taking the time to write."

Goodwill alone is hard to quantify, so, sadly, the return on investment from Chipotle has to be recorded as a disappointing negative forty-four cents.

At this time, I am still waiting to hear back from Red Robin, Subway, Starbucks, Joe's Crab Shack, CA Pizza Kitchen and Papa John's. That's $2.64 in postage. So far I have heard back from Carl's Jr. ($12.00), McDonalds ($2.00), Pepsi ($0.44), and Chipotle (-$0.44). That means that even after today's disappointing letter from Chipotle I am still ahead by $11.36.

REFRAIN TO A SONG AS YET UNWRITTEN

I would like some tadpole stew
No other stew will do
I'll cook it up and serve it hot
On a table set for two

GIFTS FROM THE LAKE

The above photo is from my Mom's blog. These are the stairs that lead down from the lake house toward the water. At the bottom there is usually another portable set of stairs which drop another 4-5 feet down to the shore. The portable stairs have been pulled up in the above photo. The amazing thing is that right now you could use the landing at the bottom of this flight of stairs as a boat launch. Every spring the lake (Lake Champlain) rises dramatically as a result of snow-melt and rain, but this appears to be a banner year with lake levels rising far higher than I have ever seen. This has caused some headaches for my folks who live there seasonally, although nothing like those poor folks living in the Mississippi's flood zone. The biggest headache is that my folks haven't had water because the lake rose up high enough to compromise their spring house.

However, there is definitely a positive in all of this. As a boy, when the lake house belonged to my Grandma and Grandpa McCuen I used to love to roam the shore looking for treasures that had washed up in the spring. Over the years I found duck decoys, fishing lures, bobbers by the hundreds, toy boats, wooden signs, dock sections, etc... Once I even found a dollar bill deposited in the branches of a bush along the shore. Some of the greatest treasures though are not washed up trash. There are some pretty spectacularly shaped pieces of driftwood, and once I found an arrowhead that had been washed from an eroded bank by the lake's battering waves.

I think that this year's flooding can only mean that the lake will slip in and grab even more loot than in years past. This is going to be a great year for beach-combing! In the fall, people left real bonafide treasures  in places that they felt confident would be safe from the lake's fingers, and right now those treasures, big and small, are being driven along by the waves toward the shore beneath the house. By the middle of summer the lake will have receded enough that any enterprising soul could go for a walk and come back with gifts from the lake.

SOMETHING IS ROTTEN IN THE STATE OF BFZ

Some have been quietly exerting influence behind the scenes to get me to take down the photo of the FART BOMB wrapper featured in the latest installment of "BFZ PRODUCT CENSURE." They claim it is "IN POOR TASTE," "OFFENSIVE" and "GROSS." I suspect that FART BOMB got to them somehow, and either they're in FART BOMB's pocket or they've been threatened and bullied into pressuring me to back down. Something stinks around here and it may just be FART BOMB.

BREAKING NEWS

Earlier this morning, Josh Tate, President for Life of the Bummer-Free Zone and a fine specimen of a man, held an impromptu press conference to announce a major policy shift toward long-time ally Israel. President Tate, who appeared artfully disheveled after a night’s sleep, demanded that Israel "return to its pre-930 b.c. borders." The statement prompted a collective gasp from the assembled media.

Following the President's prepared remarks, CNN's Chuck Berlinsky asked if the timimg of this morning's announcement had anything to do with President Obama's historic speech earlier this week wherein he called for Israel to return to its borders prior to 1967 as part of a plan for the creation of a Palestinian state. In response, Tate pointed to Berlinsky's chest and said, "You've got something there on your tie, Chuck," but when Berlinsky glanced down at his tie, Tate dissolved into laughter before crowing "Made you look, Chuck! Look at his stupid face everybody! Hahaha! Made you look!" A nearby aid high-fived the exultant president before adding, "Good one, sir!"  

HIM NOT VERY CONSIDERATE

Yesterday evening, I was forced to leave Bowden's baseball game and zip back home after I discovered Jack sobbing in a heap outside of the porta-potty. "I PEED my pants!" he howled as I walked up to him. I wanted to scoop him up and whisk him away to The van, but...er...well...he had peed his pants and I wasn't just about to scoop him up or otherwise convey him for fear of being soggied with Jack-Juice. So instead I encouraged him to walk toward the van. It was painfully slow progress with Jack crying the entire way and constantly begging, in fact pleading, for me to pick him up and carry him. I almost gave in too, after all it wouldn't have been the first time I had been soggied, sometimes expedience requires it, but I finally decided to stay the course and make him walk all the way to the van.

Him howled across the basketball court. Him howled across the playground. Him howled down the sidewalk and across the parking lot. The entire time him top speed was about .000000012 miles per hour. Him put more energy into voicing him displeasure than walking, but I do not negotiate with terrorists like Jack. "C'mon Jack. We're amost there," was my mantra.

When we finally reached the van I stripped him of his soggy and soiled clothes leaving him dressed after the fashion of Winny-The-Poo (naked from the waist down).

As we drove home to get a change of clothes I was feeling frustrated so I asked Jack, "Why did you pee your pants?"

"Cause it was easier," him said.

Him not very considerate.

SEND ME YOUR OVERHEARDS

Yesterday I went to good ol' Post Office Box 618 and found this post-card from an anonymous BFZ reader, which contained a choice overheard from the Safeway parking lot in Carmel, CA. The context was two teenage bicycle enthusiasts in conversation as they passed through the parking lot on their bikes. One said to the other "Hey Dude! Put on a shirt! We're in Public."

Thanks for the post card. What a great idea. Although I feel reasonably certain that I know the identity of the post card's author, it was written anonymously so I won't out her publicly as the snoop and eavesdropper that she is. Nice work, anonymous. That was a fine piece of overhearing.

The post card got me thinking- How awesome would it be to receive overheards from all over the country  the world?

So send me your overheards on a post card, and I will share them with the world here at the BFZ. Don't forget to include the context as well as the quote.

Bummer-Free Zone
C/O Josh Tate
PO Box 618
Idyllwild, CA
92549