ONE OF THE GREAT MYSTERIES OF MY YOUTH

When I was a boy I buried a small box in the woods behind the house. The box had no purpose. There was no plan. I just liked secret buried boxes, and although it would have been satisfying to give the buried box some great purpose I had nothing of value to hide and nobody to hide things from. It was simply for the joy of secret buried boxes that I did it. I'm a little embarassed to even confess this one-time hobby of mine. In truth, it was not the first box I had buried in this manner. In the quiet days of youth before the clay of a boy's brain has hardened they sometimes find interesting and frivolous pursuits to fill their days with. With a garden trowel I carved out a hole roughly the size of the box, and I buried it level with the ground so that by lifting up a flat rock the top of the box became visible. The lid was hinged and lifted easily. When all was done I scattered pine needles over the rock so that the whole thing looked as natural as can be. I was alone, and I had told no one about my plan to bury the box.

When I returned the next day the rock had been shoved aside and the lid stood open. I can recall making the discovery. The hair stood up on the back of my neck. I must have been watched I reasoned, but by whom?  Where had they watched me from? I turned around in a circle taking in the woods which had suddenly become vaguely sinister. After I had left they must have come to investigate what I had buried. And why did they not leave the place as I had left it? They must have wanted me to know that they had discovered the box. Why else would they leave the stone shoved aside and the lid standing open? It remains one of the great mysteries of my youth. I buried no more boxes.

Viking Stare (by Sarah)

Sometimes Josh has a Ragnar look.

So I offer him salted fish.

MY NEXT SPEAKING OPPORTUNITY

I will be speaking at Chapel in the Pines in downtown

Mountain Center, CA on June 2nd at 10:00 am.

SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE?

Why does this map of the Mountain Lion's range in California make me hungry for bacon?

BFZ THANK YOU CARD DESIGNS #2

This is my latest sortie into the estrogen-drenched world of Thank You Cards. For those men like me who are outspokenly appreciative, but who have difficulty finding a gender-appropriate thank you card on which to express their thanks there is hope. The BFZ is here to help. This is my second offering, which I have entitled "Here Comes the Cavalry!"

WHY ARE THANK YOU CARDS SO GIRLY, AND WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

BFZ THANK YOU CARD DESIGNS #1

IS BEING CHRISTIAN NERDY?

First, watch this College Humor video on Youtube by clicking HERE, which forwards the argument that religious people are, in fact, a species of Nerd. 

 

Fellow Christians, how would you respond to this video?

 

Non-Christians, what say you on the matter?

 

I have some thoughts, of course, but I thought I would open it up for discussion first. If you have 20+ minutes of discretionary time you can also watch this response video, which makes some good points.

OVERHEARD

Todays overheards were snatched out of the air and furiously scribbled onto a borrowed pad of yellow paper during a dinner date at Cafe Aroma with my lovely wife, Sarah. Shortly after we had been shown to our table a party of three was seated in somewhat close proximity to us- An older gentleman, possibly in his mid to late sixties, and wearing a gray patagonia fleece was sitting across the table from a couple of similar age, she in a pink patagonia fleece and he, likewise, sporting a gray patagonia fleece. The first gentleman was a loud talker- an absolute OVERHEARD MACHINE. It was difficult to ascertain exactly what their relationship was to one another, but I believe that the couple was hiking the Pacific Crest Trail and the loud talking gentleman was either a Trail Angel (Locals who help PCT hikers with rides, food, hospitality and such) or a fellow hiker. Anyway, over the course of our dinner he offered up some grade-A overheards.

"There was something childishly playful about them. Wouldn't you agree? I found it delightful, but I don't think they were thinking of romance."

"You're a delightful couple and I'm glad you showed up in my life."

"Now that I hear Warren Buffet owns See's Candies I will have to eat some more. I like Warren Buffett. I want to help him any way I can."

"Frodo made a promise to scout that he would have a milkshake at every stop because he was losing so much weight." (PCT Hikers abandon their given names and adopt a trail name such as "Frodo" or "Scout" for the duration of their hike." I have always thought I would choose "Feet" as mine if I ever endeavored to walk from Mexico to Canada as an homage to Romans 10:15).)

"I don't think there's anyone here who would stand for that. I think that's typical of mountain communities."

"I would walk to Peet's Coffee with an orange in my pocket on a Saturday morning, get a coffee and a pastry then walk across the Golden Gate Bridge  and watch the sun come up."

"He got shot, and I didn't know that until 10 or 15 years later. He never talked about it. A lot of old vets are like that."

I CAN NOW TOTALLY PICTURE MY SON, JACK (5), WITH CHEST HAIR.

 Applying arm hair? That's a thick batch of man-thatch!

Austin Powers?

FLOWING OUT

During late summer when the San Jacinto Mountains become dry and thirsty, and the dust along the walkways becomes as fine as baby powder there is one place here at the camp that always remains green and lush. Down in the gully behind the camp’s office a thin trickle of water flows through a jungle of willow, nettles and wild rose. The plants crowd and overhang its banks, and their thirsty roots sink down into the moist soil to draw off the life-giving water. Naturally, animals are also drawn to the place. Deer, coyotes, bobcats, and raccoons as well as smaller creatures such as quail, rabbits, ground squirrels and chipmunks frequent the shady arbor that hides the life-giving stream. The evidence of their comings and goings are pressed into the soft mud along the bank, and occasionally as I walk the rim of the gully I will catch a glimpse of them below through the layered leaves of the willows. The gully behind the office is always full of life, and at the heart of it all is the thin trickle of water.

Just a short distance away, in the heart of the camp, is a different sort of stream- the camp’s waterfall fountain. This stream contains none of the life-giving properties of the one behind the office. It is surrounded by a cement skirt and its water is continuously recycled in a loop with none of the flowing out that characterizes the stream behind the office. It looks like a stream and sounds like a stream, but it doesn’t give life. It is all for show.

This reminds me of what Jesus said in John 7:37-38, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’ ” As followers of Jesus we are not to be like the fountain, all for show, and never flowing out. We are the means by which God desires to pour out the Holy Spirit and the hope of salvation into a dry and thirsty world. I think this is the spirit of what Jesus was saying in John 20:21 when he told the disciples, “As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you.” Jesus’s mission is now our mission! We have been sent out with the stream of living water flowing from our hearts for the purpose of giving life. We can never allow ourselves to become like fountains that put all of their energy into a noisy and splashy show.

Be a blessing and a help!

AN UPDATE ON MY SHOES

It has been a while since I brought you a report on my shoes. During my last update I reported that my friend Sherry Christiansen had gifted me with two new pairs of shoes, which brought the total number of my shoes donated by Sherry to three. If you'll recall Sherry is also the lead suspect in the case of the mysterious flip-flops, which were anonymously donated through the mail. I know what it's like to walk a mile (several miles?) in Sherry's shoes. The Sperry Top Siders, which were among the shoes donated by Ms. Christiansen instantly leapfrogged all of my other footwear to assume the coveted role of Captain of the shoes. I loved them, but sadly they went the way of all shoes. I walked those poor things to death. I wore them until sizable holes opened up along their canvas sides and the soles became so thin I could feel the heat of the asphalt through them. However, they were such a noble and excellent pair of shoes that I decided to confer upon them a rare honor. Although their condition has rendered them unfit to wear them around town I have decided to mail them to the Lake House back in Vermont so I can use them as swimming shoes the next time I'm out.

Swimming shoes? The bottom of the lake is littered with all kinds of pokey things such as fresh water mussel shells, spiny water chestnuts, and occasionally broken glass as well thus necessitating the use of swim shoes.

Be advised, my Doc Martens have been promoted to interim Captain of the Footwear.

THINGS I THOUGHT BUT DIDN'T SHARE WITH ANYONE (until now)

1. I watched two rabbits fight this morning in the grass outside my office window. It was surprisingly savage. I could only have been more surprised if I had witnessed one flower eating another.

2. I don't ever want to be President, but I would love, absolutely love, to be an ex-president!

3. I would like to live on a boat, or live in a situation where I needed a boat to get around.

4. Once there was this little girl hiking through the Andes, and she came upon this big herd of alpacas. As she was walking through the herd of alpacas one of them suddenly laid a big, wet, sloppy kiss on her. Well, the girl started freaking out, and one of the herders, who was looking on, said to a second herder who was also standing there, "Why is she freaking out? It's not like it's the end of the world!" The second herder replied "It's the alpaca lips!"

BFZ THANK YOU CARDS #1

As I stated in a previous post, most of the thank you cards available are just are too girly for me to use, and I decided to do something about it. My goal is to manufacture 10 gender-appropriate thank you cards by the end of the year.

Here's my first attempt. You will notice there are no butterflies or flowers whatsoever, and the font is "Forte," the official font of the Bummer-Free Zone. Really any kind of food could be featured- chinese, pizza, tacos, or doughnuts perhaps. The idea is that your thank you card would come with a gift card inside to the recipient's favorite eatery. Maybe I would even manufacture them with a little pocket inside to hold the gift card in place.

HAPPY DAY 2013

Greetings football fans!

 

The NFL has released their schedule for the 2013 season revealing that this year's Happy Day, celebrated annually on the date of the first nationally televised Redskins Game, will fall on Monday night, September 9th during the Redskins Home opener against longtime NFC East rivals the Philadephia, Eagles.

Rest that knee, RGIII!

Hail!

I CAN'T GET THIS SONG OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

TRAGEDY STRIKES BFZ NATIONAL FOOSBALL TEAM

The BFZ sports community was rocked this morning by the tragic loss of three star foosball players who played for the national foosball team. The bodies of Charles "Chucky" Spoon, Jimmy Fresh III, and N'diki Roberts were found this morning by BFZ president, Josh Tate, as he emptied the trash can in his office. According to police reports the bodies of the three slain foosball players had been broken in two and unceremoniously dumped in President Tate's office waste basket.

 At this time no group has come forward to claim responsibility for the slayings, and police are tight lipped about theories surrounding the case. One source close to the investigation who requested anonymity given the sensitive nature of the investigation indicated that police are looking into the possibility that crazed fans of the BFZ national team may have taken matters into their own hands following the team's disappointing loss on Saturday night to arch rivals from the Bummer-Filled Zone.  

Charles "Chucky" Spoon

Jimmy Fresh III

N'diki Roberts